So CAN you go on the trip and not have expectations? And do you feel like you SHOULD book it so as not to disappoint her and SS?
It does make me wince a bit reading that she is able to accept the trip while expecting you to be able to go without expectations. I get the feeling that that is too much to expect from you at this point. When you told her that you were afraid of being hurt, did she acknowledge that in any way other than saying that there were no guarantees? If not, she still can't see your hurt, only her own, from before OM, during the m.
It seems to me like you're between a rock and a hard place. I'm trying to remember how the potential trip even happened. I think you said in the previous thread that it was planned during your previous reconciliation? If you do book it, can you use the opportunity to make her feel understood?
I don't think you need to be honest about every thing that bothers you (mention of OM). We have to pick our battles. You can be smart and say something (or nothing) that is going to get you where you want to be, or you can respond to everything and drive her away. You will have lots of time to tell her your side later, after she feels heard and understood.
But I am seeing this through the eyes of a W that felt controlled and abused. Other people are seeing it through the eyes of a betrayed spouse and I get their perspective too.
