XYZ is here, but I won't be staying...

[XYZ]

Really missing W today. I had the kids Fri night and all day Sat - dropped them off this morning. Had a great time with them. Was happy and fun when I dropped them off today; didn't stay too long.

W asked me last week if would go to dinner with them after D5 karate class on Tuesday (her actual words were "I don't mind if you come with us".) At the time, I replied "maybe, we'll see" Yesterday told her that "yes, I'll join you guys. Thanks for the invite" She replied "you're welcome. Are you sure you're ok being around me?". I replied "I am". Her: "ok, me too". I guess that's a baby step. I should be thankful, but a little hope is very difficult.

Really tough day today. I miss her so much. I love her deeply. Why would she do this to us?

I'm a pretty fit guy. Exercise 6-7 days a week; generally eat healthy. Size 34 waist. Bought a box of Krispy Kreme chocolate glazed doughnuts today. Ate the whole box in the car on the way home from the store -- about 5 minutes.

I'm not crying but I feel like if I let it go I could flood my whole apartment in minutes right now.