I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering

[ClingingToHope]

Journaling -- having some issues this morning with D12. She was freaking about not having the "right" shoes for church. I was kind of in my own world about some things and lost my patience.

I hate it when I slip up and let my anger show.

After the service I apologized.

Now, she's watching TV in my room and D8 is watching in the living room.

We ate after the service and they want to go to XW's house from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. while I'm playing softball.

XW apparently won't be there. She's still returning stuff of her younger sister of the aforementioned drama.

For some reason, I'm back in the 'grass isn't greener' thought that XW will realize I was the one for her.

Funny, the less I text Church_31, the more that thinking comes back in.

Still miles to go with detachment.

The girls have some cheap father's day presents they'll give me tonight. D12 will then head to XW's since she has to travel to a theater camp tomorrow morning. It's an hour away.

D8 is staying here tonight and I'll take her to daycare. She isn't doing anything special this week.

I'm going to spend a lot of time at work, working out and donating plasma. I need to live as cheaply as possible for the next two weeks until I have the girls for another week of vacation.

I'm all of a sudden struggling with focusing just on today and the goal of living without anger and fear. It's taking a long time to make this feel natural. I lived for so long wanting to and thinking it was good to control everything.