Not a whole lot to report. I still am letting my W initiate all contact. Even with that though, we have been talking every day.
On Thursday W called at about 6 asking me if I wanted to come to her place to eat dinner. She had decided to invite her sister, BIL, mother, step dad and myself over for dinner.
I accepted the invite and headed over there. At around 9 p.m., I told W that I was leaving... Her sis and BIL had just left a few minutes earlier. W was on her computer helping her mom with something. When I told W that I was leaving, W said, "well, I can't walk you to the door right now, I'm helping my mom." So I ended up staying. I think that W was saying that she didn't want me to leave right then. Anyway, I ended up staying for another 2 1/2 hours. W and I sat on her front porch and talked after her mom and step dad left. No R talk though.
W and I had tickets to another concert on Friday night. We headed out really early bc we had general admission tickets and wanted to get good seats. We were together from about 4:30 until about 1:30 a.m. and had a great time.
No R talk really. It did come up in passing a couple of times as we were discussing some M problems that some friends of our's are having. The R came up when comparing some of the problems, but we really didn't focus too much on it at all.
I was a little irritated at the very end of the night bc W had mentioned OM's name in passing about something. I can't even remember what it was that she said. This was right before I dropped her off at her place.
W must have sensed that I was irritated, bc when I got home, I received a text from her:
W: "I'm not sure why you are so p!ssed about a conversation about our friends other than you having had a few drinks... just so you know."
I responded: "I'm not p!ssed. Goodnight"
W: "Night"
I did call W this morning to tell her that I hadn't been mad at her and to talk about our potential trip to Disney World.
W texted me later in the day about having bought something that we had talked about earlier. Nothing important.
W had a show tonight. I haven't heard from her since her text earlier this evening.
That's it.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
When I told W that I was leaving, W said, "well, I can't walk you to the door right now, I'm helping my mom." So I ended up staying. I think that W was saying that she didn't want me to leave right then.
You should have left. (Not saying this in an A-Hole kind of way)
Leave her wanting more, don't be TOO available. Don't worry too much about what she was thinking. You wanted to leave for whatever reason; you should have left, but you didn't. Do what you say your going to do. It was a test and you failed.(Not the end of the world way either)
Originally Posted By: Denver_2010
I was a little irritated at the very end of the night bc W had mentioned OM's name in passing about something. I can't even remember what it was that she said. This was right before I dropped her off at her place.
I'd get irritated too if my W was POSSIBLY rubbing my nose in it. Why is his name coming up? Test? Maybe? I think you should let her know what you accept and what you don't. In a calm respectful non angry way. You issued your N.U.T., why is she mentioning OM to you. Maybe you should verify why this is happening. Your not an angel, but you don't have a "back up" OW either. You have the right to be irritated, but if she doesn't know why and you KNOW what you want...then it's a covert contract with yourself and/or broken boundary. It's also a test.
She is creating space by adding OM's name to the conversation. You guys have had a great time and she recognises that. Using his name reminds you that he's still part of her life and puts you back in your place and saves giving you hope. It provides her with space
Were there control issues? I don't remember now. If there were, she may be subconsciously testing to see if you will try to contol her still.
When you didn't respond to the mention of OM, she even tried to get a reaction out of you later by texting. I think that every time you remain calm in your responses, you build her trust in your ability to change long-term.
I agree with the others - a little more space and missing you.
I think you're doing great with the "balance" thing.
I was a little irritated at the very end of the night bc W had mentioned OM's name in passing about something. I can't even remember what it was that she said. This was right before I dropped her off at her place.
W must have sensed that I was irritated, bc when I got home, I received a text from her:
W: "I'm not sure why you are so p!ssed about a conversation about our friends other than you having had a few drinks... just so you know."
I responded: "I'm not p!ssed. Goodnight"
Why did you lie to your W? (and don't play semantics of p!ssed vs irritated)
You want to work on things? You want an open honest marriage? You get mad a W when she's not honest with your, but you can't express it to her.
I'm not saying be an a-hole about it, but really. What's wrong with saying.
I was little upset that you brought up OM name.
She has no problem telling you when you do stuff - like flirt with women at the coffee place.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
When you didn't respond to the mention of OM, she even tried to get a reaction out of you later by texting. I think that every time you remain calm in your responses, you build her trust in your ability to change long-term.
But he didn't do this, He had a reaction and he did respond...and his W knew this. She's not stupid.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
I was a little irritated at the very end of the night bc W had mentioned OM's name in passing about something. I can't even remember what it was that she said. This was right before I dropped her off at her place.
W must have sensed that I was irritated, bc when I got home, I received a text from her:
W: "I'm not sure why you are so p!ssed about a conversation about our friends other than you having had a few drinks... just so you know."
I responded: "I'm not p!ssed. Goodnight"
Why did you lie to your W? (and don't play semantics of p!ssed vs irritated)
You want to work on things? You want an open honest marriage? You get mad a W when she's not honest with your, but you can't express it to her.
I'm not saying be an a-hole about it, but really. What's wrong with saying.
I was little upset that you brought up OM name.
She has no problem telling you when you do stuff - like flirt with women at the coffee place.
You are right Harrier. I should have been honest with her. I made the decision not to be I guess because it was really something stupid to get irritated over. His name came up in one sentence when she was comparing something in the way that our friend talks to his wife (the M problems that they are having).
I'm not sure that my W knew why I got irritated. She may have. Like you said, she is not stupid. But it was such a minor thing and not at all the topic of our conversation, that I can also see where she may have thought that I was just getting defensive of my friend (the H that we were discussing).
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
