I'll have to check on the type of IC I'm receiving; not exactly sure.
I don’t believe I have PTSD, nor do I believe I suffer from bipolar. I don’t know a great deal about bipolar, except for what I’ve read and heard/seen from a guy I know who has the condition; I’m definitely not like him. I simply have difficulty dealing with stress when I perceive it to be beyond my scope to control; let me explain.
Talk (my W) explains our crazy life of revolving renovations; in hindsight, it wasn’t/isn’t that bad. I’ve had anger issues for many years, so I can’t/won’t make the connection that the last few years of revolving house reno is the reason for me flipping out; that would be a cop-out. I’ve always been a pleaser, which would be somewhat okay, if I didn’t take it all back after the fact with comments like “I never wanted to do that”, etc, etc, etc.
Being a “pleaser” along with a reoccurring back injury, has in my opinion, been my downfall and the source of much pain for my W. Life would have been much easier over the years if I would have been able to say “no thanks” without being abrupt in that moment or passive aggressive after the fact.
My back has been a BITC##^*(&$@!! since I returned from Afghanistan. I was until I returned from tour and Base Physio got their mitts on me, gave me the wrong exercises and then proceeded to say “it’s normal that you can’t walk upright. Spending the last three weeks of my post-deployment leave stuck in bed was not fun, either was the next 18 months, which was how long it took for my back to settle down. All this was happening when we moved, again. Now, this is where the pleaser part comes into play. In hindsight, I could have said “I prefer not to move when I’m broken” but I chose to be a pleaser and to be angry; not a smooth move on my part.
In hindsight, everything worked out and the world didn’t implode because we moved. My W managed 99% of the move and I did very little. I’m just now beginning to learn that my W intuition is generally bang-on-the-money and her decisions are extremely well thought out. Also, my wife’s an artist, so her thought pattern’s are sometimes like a Jackson Pollock paining; all over the place, but logical at the same time.
Long story short, I love that my W takes chances and that she still sees me in her life. I really want to be with her as well. I’ve also learned that pleasing to keep the peace is counterproductive in the long run.
Yes, I have a sore back from time to time; who doesn’t. All in all, my life is great.
