The big punch - Redux

[Redo]

Thanks for the support DG.

Journaling...

I think in a long time i have actually managed to de-couple my divorce proceedings and its emotional impact against my daily routine.

I actually managed to get up early, go on 7 mile bike ride. I feel much better now knowing that i got my exercise quota in

i dunno. Maybe i'll go for some jeans and shoe shopping today and catch the X-men matinee movie.

Both my neighbors have kids the same age as my daughter. Funny we all ended up having kids at the same time. I now dont think i can stay around at home especially on fathers day...

[ninelives]

ITS going to be tough Karma, NO DOUBT about it but I have said this many times on these threads.

Take some comfort in knowing that tomorrow will be exactly the same length in time as today. IT will seem longer for sure, but the time will pass.

Remember also, tomorrow is just another made up holiday. Father's day is every day in your heart. The connection you have with your daughter does not have to be about one day.

Be Strong Karma.

9

[Redo]

Thanks 9. yup, gotta stay strong and look at the big picture.

Journaling....

So i did go to the mall and bought some clothes. It felt nice just walking around in the mall. I skipped the movie.

Instead came home, worked in the garage with a new bandsaw i bought. It is hot as hell in the garage, but working on my hobbies is so therapeutic.

I tried calling daughter in the evening but somehow could not reach wife at all. It has been a while since i got this upset. I guess it is because i am trying my best to keep the schedule and my wife does not even seem to care about it.

Sunday i get a call. Wife was making daughter wish me for fathers day. Hearing my baby's voice just made all that anger from last night go away. But it was a short convo as wife needed to do 'stuff'. I assumed that she had something planned for her dad (FIL). I am not sure if this fair to think this way. but i get upset that in her world, nothing has changed, except that i am not there. She has her family, her friends, daughter. everything. She always said that she never really cared for our home. So for her nothing has changed. It just blows my mind when i think about it.

Yup, another sunday doing nothing but watching 'arrested development' on netflix. No regrets though.
But sometimes i do wonder as what exactly i am doing with my life...But again i tell myself that if i spend 1 year not doing much but lazing and trying to find myself, it is not the end of the world. Maybe i am justifying my behavior.

Glad it is Monday...

[Redo]

Journaling...

I guess i am having a small panic attack. Anytime i get an email from wife it happens. She is now asking me if my lawyer is ready to speak to her lawyer for another draft of the decree.

2 weeks back we were still discussing the possession schedule of daughter. I don't think we even reached a consensus.

I need to get my head out of the sand. I keep thinking that she might slow down. But she's absolutely determined to drive this train home.

I don't know why i am having such a hard time accepting that this is over. Some days i feel i am in a bad nightmare from which i'll wake up soon. Right now i am having that. I just hate it.

After all this cr*p i don't know how i'll have any ounce of forgiveness left in me.

[Queen_of_Swords]

mykarma
This book has been suggested here before in a few places, I have just started to read it myself. Powerful stuff. You may find it helpful as well. It really explains well why we're holding on so tightly.

"The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson.

[Redo]

SC, Thanks for the book suggestion. Will definitely give the book a try.

[JustStunned]

MK, I know the feeling. Just the other day STBXW sent me a text, well she didn’t intend to. She meant it as a FB post from her mobile. She sent it to the wrong address; FB and I are next to each other in her address book, and so a small dip in my morale occurred.

I think our WAS need to see their journey through, if not to the end and beyond at least to the precipice. Either way we can only do our best for us.

Forgiveness will happen; believe it. I have to believe as it is essential to me getting past this hurt. We’ve all done it before under other circumstances, we’ll forgive again.

SC, I too will check out the book.

[Redo]

I think our WAS need to see their journey through, if not to the end and beyond at least to the precipice. Either way we can only do our best for us.

JS, you are right here. I guess you'll have to let them take that journey. Or they will always feel that there must have been something there that they missed. My wife always felt that she could have done better. I think for me it is the co-dependent behavior with her that has gotten me so messed up.

[JustStunned]

MK, My STBXW and I made many journeys together to keep from missing out. It is sad, merely sad that this is one she feels compelled to complete.

You’ve identified codependency as something to work on. You’ve got the tools and the motivation for self improvement and are applying them, over the months posting here you’ve gotten stronger and more independent.

Perhaps this is one reason your W has taken your temp so many times recently. IDK just perhaps.

[Valeska19]

MK
Have you picked up the book "Co-Dependent No More"? I too have CoDe behaviors with my w and the book grounds me and most days.. empowers me.