I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering

[ClingingToHope]

I don't know if Church_31 showed up at the wrong time. She joined the church group at the same time I did and she's become a friend and really a prototype. I may never end up with her, but I think I want someone like her.

I remember the December fling. The Match girl was beautiful, outgoing and ... easy ... and it just didn't feel right. So I ended it after just two weeks.

I think I'm ready to wait until I get someone special. I see guys all the time who were so desperate they would date anyone and I'd sit there wondering why he's with her.

An aside, I rarely see very pretty women with schmucks. I think women just aren't as desperate. But I don't know the other side.

Today has been tough. D12 was out of clothes and through a fit this morning. I didn't react as well as I should have and that just got the whole day off on the wrong foot. D12 and D8 had friends overnight and they didn't like the lunch I prepared.

I only shopped for three people this week and I didn't buy much junk food at all. Mostly, low calorie, low sugar healthy stuff.

Well, these two friends come from a big family and pretty much eat what they want so they were complaining. I didn't take that too well -- because of money. I'd have just caved and taken them out, but I'm stressing on how much this week has cost already.

Eventually, after swimming I took them home.

In the car, I had time to think. I was angry because of my own fears. The fear that I can't hack it as a single parent -- the clothes issue. And the fear that I can't make it financially.

When I got home I apologized to the girls, who thought all this was their fault.

Last thing, D12 told me XW joined Match and eHarmony. Of course, I've been on both for a long time. She saw XW signing up one night.

I'm not crushed. I'm curious now. If motorcycle was ANYTHING other than a friend then that is likely over.

Also, XW told the girls last year (2010) that not only wouldn't she marry again, she wouldn't even date again.

I didn't believe it then. I think she'll find it a little rough out there. She's not super outgoing. She had a lot of dates when she was younger just because she was so beautiful.

I know I'm supposed to be totally detached. You can see I'm not there yet. I'm still wondering if she's figured out the grass isn't greener on the other side.