Finally confronted H on affair...Now what????

[keep_going]

Hi dbmod,

Thanks for the quick reply.

I may have not been clear re. setting limits and not enabling. What I have been doing these past 6 months was basically letting him come and go to my house w/o any visitation schedule or limits. I had told him this is his home and the doors are always open for him. I would cook dinner, make his favorite foods and make it so nice and pleasant every time he was here so he could see that we could change our sit. and have a great marriage and family.
and simply shows up when he wants, lets me feed him and hangs out like he still lives here (even goes to my room, lays down in my bed and starts texting OW and friends. He then leaves to go on dates or have a life.
And I am left here, not being able to leave because I I have the girls all the time.
Another thing he does is say he will come over and then doesn't - no call, no apologies. I have started to change that - no longer expecting him and if I decide to take the girls out I do and not wait for him.
For 4 months he never had the girls spend the night at his place. He now reluctantly takes them on a weekend night, but argues that he cannot on a worknight because he doesn't have a bed for them. I cannot find the logic in that and finally told him on Thu PM that he needs to figure that out - get a bed or get them to sleep on his bed.

He also plans his trips up North w/o any regards to my schedule - I don't blame him, since I have essentially taken care of the girls solo during all our separation.
That's what I mean by saying I let him play dad whenever it suits his schedule.

This is where I want to set healthy limits, but without anger. Come from a place of making things fair for both so that I can also GAL. He has and I have not had the freedom to do it (my mistake for enabling the sit.)

I feel I need to take action now, before our son is born - I know the first few months I will be very much sleep-deprived and not have time for anything else besides my newborn and two toddlers and I will need help.

At the same time, I want to continue working on establishing a friendship with him. He has said that's what he wants and it's the best for our children anyways regardless of the outcome of our relationship.

Does that sound like a good strategy at this point?