I only have a minute but I want to post to you. DR, and the two books you mentioned, especially Love Must Be Tough, will have different strategies for your situation. And you will likely get advice here that has conflicting strategies.
At this point in time if you take the hard line you are not likely to repair your marriage, and I want you to know that it carries that risk. It is what Michele calls the AFTER THE LAST RESORT technique. There are some things to try before that, that you do not appear to have done. It's called, THE LAST RESORT TECHNIQUE. It means pull back, go dark, with a deep shade of gray...it isn't pitch black.
Shirley Glass's book is great, and it's a good idea to read while you are gray. Keep posting here for ideas and support.
