I called W to set the details for this weekend. I wasn't sure if W was going to challenge me having D both Sat and Sun night, but she did not.
It was a very short call, but also very friendly. After the call I realized I was actually disappointed that she did not sound sad or depressed. Stupid, I know. She sounded happy as ever.
It has just been so long (in my world) since anything has been said about anything. It does get to a point where I just want to talk about things even if it does make it worse. It can seem worth it at times.
I have to admit, I am questioning what I am doing right now. It seems when I go dark, W just follows suit. No word from her since the "bug bite incident" on Monday.
I will give it more time, but I am committed to "doing what works."
Just really craving some sign, anything, that things could possibly be changing.
It is looking like there is a good chance MIL will come by on Sunday. I am sure it will go well, but I am also nervous about it.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
It has just been so long (in my world) since anything has been said about anything. It does get to a point where I just want to talk about things even if it does make it worse. It can seem worth it at times.
So the truth. And there are definitely times I feel screw it I have got nothing left to lose!
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
I know exactly what you mean CS. I've been dark since Monday too and it seems my W has gone just as dark. My W has even reduced the number of times she had been calling the kids. This bothers me more than anything else. The whole thing can be frustrating.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
You know CS, one of the most overwhelming themes of Dbing is Patience. It takes a long time for things to change. What she is doing or feeling? You really dont know. She may not even know exactly how she is feeling. This is Why I think that there are so few success stories. People in today's society are just NOT patient enough. Especially me.
So do you want result NOW or do you want real result later?
I know how tough it is.
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BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
Wow CS, I know exactly how you feel. Just being around the W, even if it's arguing, feels better than not being with her. The only problem is that this damages the future. Keep strong, and know that others are going through the same thing. This helps me.
Bits M:35, W:39, M:12 S1:10, S2:8, D:5 Bomb: 3/25/11 "I am not in love with you anymore." Moved Out: 5/19/11 Divorce: 08/08/11
I know how you feel H walks right past me and will not speak. If I dont say something first. H told me that I kept pushing him away the last 5 years and I am afraid that he is thinking I am pushing him away more. But I am going to keep trying this. Good Luck.
Ups and downs this weekend, I think it is the best way to describe it.
Fathers Day ended up hitting me harder than I expected. It was a tough day for me. I had my family at my place for a BBQ, so it was a lot of fun. However, I also was more emotional than I have been in a long time. I cried for the first time in a long time. I walked away so I kept it to myself. Other than a couple of these ‘episodes’ I had a good time with the fam.
Saturday I got the house ready for the weekend and then picked up D in the afternoon. It was a short and friendly interaction with W. She gave me a gift and a card for Fathers Day and also the gift daycare did with D as well.
The gift and card were not a big surprise, W got me a gift for my BDay in March and I did do a card and picture for her on Mothers Day, so it is not out of character.
What was kind of funny was it was pretty much and exact replica of what I did for her on Mothers Day. A card in which she let D draw in and a framed picture of D. Two differences, she added a short “Happy Fathers Day!” note in the card, and the frame she got was pretty elaborate. I went real basic. It was nice and thoughtful nonetheless.
The rest of Saturday was spent with D and family.
Sunday started off with more of the same. BBQ with Fam and watching the US Open. I got a “Happy Fathers Day” text from W around 11:30. She added “Hope you guys are having a wonderful time together!”
I responded “Thank you. The gift was very thoughtful”
I wanted to bring up how I understood it must be a tough day for her with her father’s recent passing, but I held off at this time.
Everyone left around 4:30 and not long after I got a call from MIL saying she would be there around 6:30.
She showed up right on time. It was short visit. We sat out back for a bit so she could play with D and the dog.
Forgot to add earlier, MIL sent me a Fathers Day card. It was very nice and she said some very nice things. So I told her how much I appreciated the card.
MIL then said she had something for me in the car. We went out front and she handed me a few of FIL’s ties. It was so nice and we both got choked up. I gave her a hug. She got very sad and she made a comment about me being her “son-out-law” At this point I didn’t know if she was thinking more about W and I or FIL.
She left and was heading to W’s place next. She had spent the last week driving all over California seeing family and bringing them things that belonged to FIL. I could tell it had been a tough trip.
Later I received a text from W confirming our meeting time for this morning to drop off D. At this point I decided to recognize the significance of the day for her. This led to quite a bit of back and forth.
M: Sounds good. W, I didn’t forget how hard today must have been for you too. We were all thinking of you today. Thanks again for the card and picture. It meant a lot.
W: You’re welcome. Thanks for the kind words… Hope D is feeling better. (FYI, D had slight sniffles, no biggy)
M: She’s still a little snotty but was definitely full of pep this weekend.
W: Excelent. We will be visiting MIL tomorrow.
M: Great, she’ll love that.
W: Yah, maybe she will swim!
M: Nice!
W: Going back up the (MIL) next Sunday instead of Sat if its OK with you. I can pick her up Sun AM.
M: Of course, no problem.
W: Great, thanks!
M: *sent picture from this weekend* Here is one of all the girls (2x4? )
W: That is so cute! (Niece) is so big!
M: She is finally not afraid of the dog
W: I miss (dog)! I almost want to bring her to (MIL) tomorrow!
M: If you really want to it’s fine with me.
W: Sure!
More back and forth but you get the idea. She was very excited and can’t wait to see D and the dog play together. It is very different than from the time she left.
So, this morning I packed up both D and the dog and met W. Everything went well. We talked about the logistics for her getting the dog home. It is still a little up in the air whether it will be tomorrow or Wednesday.
One thing I noted, she did refer to our house as ‘home’ again. However, she also said ‘home’ referring to her apartment.
As she was about to leave, she brought up July 4th, and a possible switch of my day from Monday to Sunday. She had a “family friendly” work party she was thinking of going to. Then she said “I probably won’t even go.” Pretty sad sounding. Then she starts saying that anytime I want to switch my Monday to Sunday to just let her know.
Quick side bar here. On the weekend my W is off work, I get D Monday night even though W is off. This extra day gets us to a 50/50 split.
Well, she acknowledged that my visits on Monday are short because of work, and if I wanted to do Sundays instead I could have her for the full day.
The tone of it, and the gesture in general, was really nice. She was doing something nice for me. Unrequested. Felt good. Nice to know she does think about me and still cares. In some way….
I told her how much I appreciated the offer and will definitely take her up on it. She said of course if I have plans for a weekend it’s not problem and we can still do Monday. Here she noted how she had “no social life” She definitely seemed sad here. I don’t know, but I can tell you, her life is not rainbows and butterflies right now.
Wow, this update got a lot longer than I expected.
I feel good today.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
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