Huge Setback...

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Keep,

You're not alone.

I have had an anger management problem throughout my whole adult life and my husband comes from a broken family and an abusive alcoholic father during my husband's childhood.

I can see how these issues affected your marriage.
I am glad that you are working on your anger.

"Use your anger as a shield, not a sword."
Do not lash out with it, but you can use it to armor yourself.

I still want to save my marriage but find it very hard to stay positive and keep fighting.

Support we can offer, and advice. Weigh the advice choose carefully, all of it is given with best intentions, not all of it can be worn.

Try posting in Newcomers.

You'll get more support there in a more timely manner.

Those two books are good, but have you gotten Divorce Remedy yet?
That is the one I would recommend more than any other.
Also; do not let him see those books. It is counter productive.

Now I am not even sure I will be strong enough emotionally to have him present when the baby is born if he is going to be cold or be constantly texting the OW from the hospital - I don't think I could bear it.

Cross that bridge when it happens. Instead of imagining trolls under it. OK?

No need to be adding monsters to your head right now.

I feel so demoralized and like I have taken a million steps backwards with my emotional outburst of last night.

Ahhh your fine. Really. Try not to do it. But move on after it does happen.

This morning he texted to apologize for the dinner misunderstanding. He said that he likes how our friendship has been growing, and that he is starting to trust me again, but he sees I that I don't trust him since I called him a liar. He added he is not lying to me, but simply refuses to share certain things with me, like details of his dating life because he knows it hurts me. He also said he feels I am snooping around his life and knows I want more than a friendship, but that he doesn't. He said he wants to have a non-confrontational relationship with me and that is step 1 for him. He added that he cares a lot about me and doesn't like to see me hurt, and that he is sad because he realizes he has no power to fix that. He finished by saying he desperately wants us to get along, that he misses his friend and knows it's not going to happen overnight and he wished we could share stuff with each other.

Guilt. He is using guilt on you.
This is your fault.

Do not buy into it.
Suffer it, perhaps, but do not believe it is your fault.