Hi again everyone, thanks for the responses. Nice to hear from others who have experienced this. Anyone solve these issues??
I'll explain how I've come to see it, just more journaling and perhaps nothing new.
My W has ALWAYS been this way. Really only one thing changed: before our family grew and became complicated I had no trouble keeping up with her, though sometimes I would just let her go do her thing as was fine with that. I think this is one thing she really liked about our relationship and sometimes I remember actually "being in front" on a few things. Over the years I tried to keep our home life a little simplier so that W had the freedom she likes and I had the energy to keep up - explained this to W - but as I've written before W had other plans. Now I'm often tired and stressed - I hold it together to be a good dad and husband but at the cost of frendships, hobbies, and my usual calm, good natured personality. This can back to bite me a few years ago when I began to have some extra anxiety that was just from burn out - got help for that. My response was to try and scale back for the sake of self-preservation, but W found this "no fun" or "controlling". I miss the "old" me, and I'm sure she does too.
So, not to complain. I've made good progress. Really. Much better in the past year. But as soon as I stop paying attention I fall back into the way things were.
None of this is new. I just think that changing my personality, or hers, is unlikely. So it would be easier to change the situation a bit instead.....which means just letting go and letting her do her thing without getting wrapped up in worry or stress.
