I am uncertain whether I keep on being a nice guy, taking care of her and the home, or if I should work on detaching, doing things without her, not really paying attention to what she is doing. Wish I knew what to do.
Do what YOU want to do, and invite her along if she chooses to join you (but don't wait for her). "I'm going to thus-and-such; you're welcome to come along if you'd like." If she declines, don't be p*ssy or pouty; stay upbeat.
I'd suggest cutting back a little on the "doing lots around the house," unless you were slack in this area in the past? Focus on THE RIGHT THING TO DO, rather than trying to please your wife. Are there any home improvement projects that you've neglected, that need doing? I'd focus on those, rather than "cooking-and-cleaning" types of chores, unless you were boorish in that regard in the past.
