I was the type to always go at anything 110%. But a few years ago, my body started shutting down. After tests were ran, my doctor told me that I was not producing adrenal hormones. Don't know if that happens with everyone who pushes over their limits for a long time, but I kind of think that it will catch up with her. Nothing you can do about that.
My H was nothing like me and I accepted that fact and just did my own thing with projects, etc. I didn't have the life your W has, but I knew my H wasn't going to even try to keep up with me.
I think you have to be the reasonable and stable factor for your children's sake. You can be fun in small situations. Your W may like the "drama", but you don't have to follow her. Be yourself.....just a better you.
Sandy yes this is what happens in an adrenaline fueled, reactive / survival mode lifestyle. If you're constantly firefighting, living in fear/anxiety , reacting immediately to the least change/demand it can lead to adrenal failure and death.
Put a rat in a cage, electrify the floor enough to shock but not kill the rat, turn on and off the electricity randomly over time. Feed and care for the rat normally. That will rat die earlier than usual, and when a necroscopy is done the adrenal glands are burned out and the rat shows general organ failure as well. Human beings are no different. Stress kills.
I agree with your last statement too: "Be yourself, just a better you."
Many of the things she complains of now ( no fun/responsible) are exactly what attracted her to you too! Just characteristics that have become out of balance.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
