ME: young kids work full time was M 15 yrs/div almost final (H had MLC/trigger in early '09)
BF: no kids/doesn't want any of his own works full time was M 2 yrs/div at 23, GF for 3 yrs (messy break up)
We've been together for 3 months and our chemistry is great. We have a lot of fun, are very compatable in many ways ... but lately I've been feeling frustrated.
I read the books, and have gotten lost on here on many occasions ... I DB'd my marriage, and saved me - as you guys talk so much about on here. It took me a long time to get it, I made lots of mistakes and spent a lot of time looking over my shoulder at what my xH was doing or not doing. I've made a lot of changes, and know that this evolution will never end.
I'm discovering that the new R is harder than I think I realized it would be. Communication is tough.
Throughout this process I feel like I slayed many dragons. My x demonized me to an almost unrecognizable degree, but there really were grains and nuggets of truth in what he said. It took me until he was really gone to get it, but get it I did. Or at least I thought I did.
He accused me of never really listening. He said that even when I did manage to not interupt or overtake a conversation, even when I was trying to listen he felt like I was only listening to him long enough to get enough information to build my argument against whatever point he was trying to make.
OUCH.
That hurt. Or stung (as you guys say ).
It was true. And I'm embarrassed to admit it.
I thought I changed that, I worked hard to be a more 'present' listener. I'm conscious of it with my kids, my parents, my x, my friends, my co-workers and I thought, my BF.
Until recently when he told me I was hard to talk to.
Sigh.
Back to the drawing board ...
More to come, but back to work for now!
~ Bell
It is never too late to be who you might have been. ~George Eliot
).