SL What I am trying to point out here is that your wife is headed for burnout with this lifestyle. It cannot be sustained over the long term. She must already be showing some physical symptoms of disease such as an ulcer, chronic insomnia, autoimmune disorders...all stress related symptoms.

The caffiene is a symptom of that in that she's trying to keep that adrenaline fueled energy level sustained, it's not an addiction itself, although it can be. When she crashes she will crash hard, unless she gets some help for herself too.

I agree that you need to let her do her thing and save your energy and resources for the really big disagreements and maintaining reasonable boundaries in allowing your own needs to be met.

Perhaps you could ask for help in dealing with the stress and the exhaustion that her behaviour provokes in you?

BITS
Me-51, WAS-52
Kids 2
M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013
Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice.
Love is a action and choice you make, every day.