I do not want H (Herb) to post here because he feels that he HAS to. I would love for him to do what ever it takes for him to communicate in a non-threatening way, and get to the bottom of, not just control his anger - IF that's what he wants.
It doesn't make any difference to me if that means posting/learning from this forum, going to therapy, or sitting crossed-legged for 3 hours per day. If something works, we can get somewhere
I believe that every action/emotion has its origin in love or fear. So I believe H's anger is a result of fear of something. Understanding that makes it impossible for me to hate him. I would give anything to understand him!
I suggested to H that he participate on the forum, and I am, because I feel that this is the last tool that I have available to save us.
Even though I in no way hate H, I do have to preserve my sanity if SOMETHING doesn't work.
I feel that I am now in a holding pattern: as long as I don't get yelled at, I am more than willing to be patient.
But H, if you are uncomfortable, and are only posting because you think you HAVE to, I wish you wouldn't. The last thing I want to do is put even indirect/well pressure on you.
Please do what you think works for you.
Hi Talk--I appreciate your perspective and your open heart, and that's beautiful that you are willing to share that and support the journey your of your marriage.
I'd like to encourage you to internally challenge your view that this is yours/Herb's LAST CHANCE.
There are infinitely so many options available to the both of you. I hope--and we all hope--that you and Herb find your way here. That you find TOOLS to help you work through things that get between you. It isn't the ONLY thing. The clock really isn't ticking. YOU and HERB choose. Only the two of you. Nobody and Nothing else. You may need some help, but one thing shines a light on another, and you just never know what will happen.
