People have allready started to notice that I am becoming empowered to make good choices for me. They are seeing that I deserve more and telling me they are happy that I am not as devestated and heart broken as I was in the past(even though I still feel that way on the inside - I am not showing it outwardly the way I used to). They are happy for me that I have found alanon.
However, I still dont feel too good about it all. I still feel devestated that I am going to end up either divorced or telling my H ( If he ever wants to return) that in order for him to do so he would have to find sobriety. Those are my two options and neither looks very good to me.
I still am holding on to the hope of my H having a spiritual awakening that they(alanon/AA) talk about so many alcoholics having that pushes them to find sobriety. I pray for it. Thats all I can do. It is so sad to see him destroy his life and our M.
He text me twice yesterday. First at 8ish he said "I plan on cleaning out all the rest of the garbage and destruction debris from the garage if you could allow me one more week?". I said no prob.(that would be the last of his stuff and the last of him having any excuse to come to my house).
Then, He drunk text me AGAIN at 1:05am and said "Hello, I hope you are ok?".I DIDNT RESPOND.I know he was drunk, because he always is and because I walked my dog when I got home from alanon at 10:50pm and saw his truck at the local tavern as usual.
It is so hard for me not to respond to him. I really hope I am doing the right thing by using the last-LRT/going dark. Has anyone else used this technique and for how long???? what was the turnout???? TIPPER p.s. still no seperation papers sent my way. I am still thinking that is a good sign that he is pondering his choices.
