Yesterday while watching tv they had some cheerleaders come on. I didn't think it was such a big deal bit apparently W did. We got into a discussion about me prefering blonde cheerleader types with large breasts. Which is not true again. To be honest that type of stereotype of beauty doesn't interest me at all. So I had to remind her how much I prefer her over the typical blonde bimbo. You don't marry a punky/goth if you like blondes, it just doesn't work that way.
In the middle of the conversation she grabs my phone opens the browser and sees this site. She didn't see much only that it was a forum, and at a glance saw the word sex. She asked what it was I told her it was just a gaming forum. She called me out, and said then why did I see the word sex? Well at that point I came clean and told her I was loggingon here for advice about sex and M. She said she knew that I was, she just didn't like me covering it up.
Which I guess brings me to my next point. We guys have a real hard time admitting we need help. I explained to her how it was embarrassing for me to even admit that I log on here, and that out of shame I tried covering it up. We discussed the issue and even laughed about it till things were smooth again.
We were doing so well I decided to pull out PM and discuss Ch 3. Well we only got through half of it till she declared she was not in the mood for it and was not paying attention. I am left wondering if anything in Ch 3 struck a nerve. She was very receptive during the first 2 chapters it was weird seeing her close up like that.
The chapter deals with how our emotions sabotage our sex life. It even challenges the notion of using alcohol to get in the mood, noting that alcohol merely anesthetizes bad emotions, that normally keep us from allowing ourselves to get aroused and enjoy ml. Not going to read too much into it. I may just try to re-engage her today or tomorrow.
Oh yeah we also had a minor fight because I did 2 things meaning well that she did not agree with. I told her that I wouldn't do it again, but also let her know that I do not appreciate it when she gets mad because of something I did with purely good intentions. This little episode blew over quickly.
Other than that we continued packing, did lots of cuddling on the couch, and looked up housing online. I still say it was a positive day.
There is really little we hide from our spouse, they know or suspect most.
The sex therapist that helped my wife and me, told us that sex is best if you are in a child-like, playful and explorative state of mind. She also said that some folk self medicate with alcohol to get in that state, but sex is really a lot better if you don't have to use alcohol. Sex should include laughter and playing.
Speaking of which, you may have miss a potentially great opportunity to have bought your wife a cheerleader outfit and have role playing sex with a "goth cheerleader." Oh well.
I am glad that you are getting set for you move and that you are finding much greater happiness than when you first posted.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
"We guys have a real hard time admitting we need help. I explained to her how it was embarrassing for me to even admit that I log on here, and that out of shame I tried covering it up."
There is nothing wrong with learning a few things. Having a loving mature relationship isn't something you're born with, it's learned. Learning about what drives your spouse and you is a great skill to have.
I mean so far your W has been doing great all on her own without any help right?
Consider these skills like tools in a utility belt. They'll help you to get what you want in the long run.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Yeah it's coming I feel a nice guy victim puke coming up. I've just been wanting some more attention i think it's the fact that the move has kept me too busy to do my own GALing. Need to be careful not to fall into emotional fusion, and get needy again.
...do my own GALing. Need to be careful not to fall into emotional fusion, and get needy again.
One of the hardest leassons (and one that I have not fully learned) is that in NMMNG and GAL you need to take responsibility for your own happiness and fulfilling your own needs.
A Nice Guy wants to look to his wife as the source of his happiness. Ultimately that will just cause problems.
GAL is about you getting in touch with your "needs" and doing things that make sure your (and your family's) needs are met. Your wife can be the icing on the cake and a true and important source of joy in your life, but don't make her the source of your entire happiness.
See you do know what you are doing, now go out there and do some GAL!
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
Update Still packing. the stress is starting to pile up especially with all the bureaucracy involved to outprocess. This move is extra hard based on the location and the little time left to do everything. On the other hand we plan to take a 7 day vacation once we get there. That will be fun.
As for her, she has handled it well for the most part. She's managed to keep her cool, and we get through problems much more easily. She is definitely stressed but hasn't grabbed me as a punching bag. All the standing up for myself I have been doing is paying off.
I was starting to fret a little myself but I realized that an integrated man needs to be the rock for his family. I have definitely taken on that responsibility always being 2 steps ahead and having an answer for all her issues.
As for ml I tried last night, but she did the "too much going on for that" routine. I did notice that afterwards she tried to give me lots of physical contact and "playfighting". That is good.
We haven't had time to go over PM. I know she won't be receptive to it now either. Have to get her to relax somehow, she's letting the stress dominate her too much. (although to her credit, she has handled this wonderfully compared to previous moves).
.... Have to get her to relax somehow, she's letting the stress dominate her too much. (although to her credit, she has handled this wonderfully compared to previous moves).
Two thoughts.
Since you are into yoga, any simple positions you could show her and work with her on to get her to relax?
Alternately, I found that giving foot massages to my wife did wonders for her and even tended to turn her on at times. Also sometime she will plead after a hard day of work for a back/shoulder massage. YMMV, but works for me.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
YAH Appreciate the advice, but I know her well enough to know that won't work, instead I took her out to dinner and ice cream then a long walk. Just wanted her to get distracted. It definitely seemed to have helped.
As for her, she has handled it well for the most part. She's managed to keep her cool, and we get through problems much more easily. She is definitely stressed but hasn't grabbed me as a punching bag. All the standing up for myself I have been doing is paying off.
still in the middle of the move.....toughest move ever, yet we have had the smoothest time. We have had a few disagreements that would have led to major fights in the past, but have handled ourselves quite well. I am very proud of both of us. Part of me worries that she will go nuts once we get over there, but all I can do is give it time, do my best and pray for good things....
