I'm tired of complaining and talking about everything that's wrong. Tell me of your miracles. Your turnaround stories. Your successes. Tell me how bad it got and how it turned around and that you're a great couple now!
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
I would love to tell you of how I busted our divorce almost 6 years ago. But now, I honestly can't remember how it went and my threads from back then have disappeared. All I can tell you is that I do remember the incredible feeling the day we told our kids that Mommy and Daddy were staying together. That may have been the single happiest moment in my life. My wish is that all of you will some day feel that, and unlike my be able to have that feeling forever.
BTM, thanks for sharing that. What happened that made you guys almost divorce? Like what were some of the events? (She moved out?) How did you rekindle/recover?
They pop into mind because they are strong women, who fit into your current view of what a success is.
Strong women who are successes by definition of success, you can add a whole list of other names.
Snodderly cat04 Brooklyn CNMN
To name a few.
I suggest that you look them up and their stories.
It shows that your willing to do some work, and some digging, spend some time and effort.
Your asking for answers on a silver platter, and already have 4 more questions for BTM. Asking a question is easy, answering them can be hard and takes awhile. And experience tells me that my answers will provoke even more questions.
That is why I hesitate.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Sorry, I wasn't trying to get anything served to me on a "silver platter" - It was an innocent attempt to gather some success stories in one place and maybe bring joy to the people who can proudly share them and those of us who need a little hope to hear that others made it out of difficult places.
Silver platter was the wrong term to use. I apologize.
I understand what you are doing, and why.
For me, and I am willing to bet for others...it opens up a floodgate of questions. People tend to not believe me when I tell them I don't have a secret trick that made it all work for me. I must be hiding something from them.
I am that success story you want.
I failed my wife, my wife failed me. Blame is equal when a marriage fails. My best friend at the time was the OM. At our worst, it was a screaming fight outside. When the neighborhood kids were watching. That almost came to physical confrontation, not my proudest moment. I pushed her away from me and in doing so her head hit the wall of our house. She later filed a police report, but begged the police not to arrest me. Months later she wanted one last chance. Happy ending? I'll find out when I die. : )
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I think sometimes there's this sense that damage has been done, that there is "no going back" - my boyfriend and I have never cheated and no physical anything, though there is def. verbal abuse (lots of yelling matches) and lots of blame. While I can write my story and get all kinds of feedback and advice, but what happens is sometimes my hope wavers. As long as I know there is hope, I'm good (we have a lot invested, and a daughter, etc.) ... so for me, hearing that people come out of these terrible places alive, having learned something, and feeling good about their relationships makes me less inclined to go to that pit of despair ...
But I see what you mean about the floodgate of questions. Thank you for sharing what you did!
