Back from Toronto. What an adventure. Im not thrilled with my administration. No travel days were provided for a fairly important meeting as there are only 25 convenors in the province next year but I digress.
I left school at 2:30 to catch the Ferry to the mainland of Southern Ontario. Landed at 5:30 and then got pulled over around 8:30. I was in an unfamiliar area and was trying to navigate and apparently was not in the right part of my line according to the polic man. He accused me of being drunk and when I told him I wasnt he said well then your fundamentals Shuck. He did calm down when I talked nice to him and I didnt get a ticket.
I got into to town around 10:00 pm. It was intimidating as it was the first time on my motorcycle in Toronto and I did eventually find the hotel while avoiding any major 4-5 lane highways.
Called my kids, they were fine and received a text from my W stating that the kids were staying at my house and didn't want to go over to her house. I found that strange. Little one called a lot however.
The next morning I was going to the meeting , downtown and felt excited and nervous at the same time about being on the bike. I do like to take risks a little, always.
Wife texted me again on when I would be home. I replied.
M: Off to the meeting this morining. Got to admit, Im a little scared. My love to the boys, always. (just in case)
W: Ok, well, just drive slow.
W: Be careful, PLEASE
I didnt respond.
Amazing meeting. Learned alot and met some very interesting people.
I texted her before I left because I wanted to let her know that I was on my way home and that the boys would have to feed themselves again. I couldnt make the ferry this time so I would have to drive around the long way. Last time, my butt was killing me after 3 hrs on the bike from the ferry , now with no ferry, it is a 6.5 hours ride. I was going to break it up with stops along the way. And although I swore i would not take the major highways, I decided that I was tired of getting lost and the traffic so I took the interstate like highways.
What a rush. It was scary yet Amazing. One minor close call but that was it and i wasnt in the wrong. I was in the slow lane the entire time.
I did say one smart arse remark to her when she texted me before I left.
M: On my way home, Taking the 400's. Cross your fingers although all your troubles could be solved.
( She is still on my life insurance and she would get my house and 200 thousand cash if I was to perish, I know it was a BS statement and I wish I didnt make it , she didnt respond to it)
But I think she was worried. She did text me later and asked me to send her an email from her father's memorial since it was saved on our computer and aske me to do that when I got home.
I think she just wanted to know that I got home safely.
I did email it to her later and she texted me last night at 12:15 that she got the email and thanked me for it and also informed me that yongest son is now enrolled in sailing on July 4.
Its a coincidence but last summer its when he was in the sailing program and July 4 was when we pseudoreconciled. So that will be a year when she decided that our marriage was worth fighting for last year only to not really try and reconcile.
I wonder if all these are just coincidences and if Im reading too much into them.
9
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
Glad you had a great time at your conference. I wouldn't worry about the gallows humor you sent to W. I've mentioned to my 1st W and kids that I was worth more to them dead than alive (social security would pay them a lot more than my child support, plus life insurance). I'm pretty sure none of them have plots against me for this
The July 4 is probably just coincidence. Maybe it's a first Monday in July thing.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Landed at 5:30 and then got pulled over around 8:30. I was in an unfamiliar area and was trying to navigate and apparently was not in the right part of my line according to the polic man. He accused me of being drunk and when I told him I wasnt he said well then your fundamentals Shuck. He did calm down when I talked nice to him and I didnt get a ticket.
Sounds like you DB'd the police officer 9 and it got you out of a ticket. Classic.
Glad you go home safe.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
HORRORS, am having a real downtime today and I cant explain why.
Want to call her so bad and talk to her. Ask her about what she meant with the quote. HERE comes the downward spiral . Wonder where her head space is at right now.
I wont act on these feelings but they are driving me nuts. I dont know why this is happening. I just really want her back and my family back in tact an for life to go on the way it was supposed to. How immature are these thoughts.
I am trying very hard to stay the course but I guess today is a major backslide in my GAL. I havent called her but I want to so bad.
I mean ,I have gone dark and it really hasnt changed much. Except that moment of weakness from her about a downward spiral.
Why would she want me of all people to know this. Shouldnt she be going on like her life is exactly how should would want it right now?
Help please.
9
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
9, it's ok, I think those are common feelings. I was like that a few days ago. In fact, I kinda did the same thing and fixated on one phrase she used in the only communication we've had in weeks: "I could not remember if your lease was 6 or 9 months but six is coming up if we need to discuss moving etc."
What does my W mean about moving: me moving to another apt, moving back in with her, what? Like you, I haven't a clue how to really read this.
Like you, I've wanted to call her, talk to her, see her so bad. Your thoughts are normal, I think we all go through this.
I doubt her life is exactly how she wants it now, and I suspect the fog clears momentarily for most of our WAS.
You'll be ok, we all will.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Hey 9, I think the general concensus was is that she's playin' you. Is there anyone else that can check on her for you? You know your W better thn anyone, though.
Why would she want me of all people to know this. Shouldnt she be going on like her life is exactly how should would want it right now?
That ^^ would be the case IF her life were exactly how she wants it right now. I HIGHLY doubt that this is the case. She contacts you 'of all people' bc she wants to make sure that you are still in the game.
You have played this perfectly IMO. You may not be seeing the positive effects of going dark, but that does not mean that they are not happening.
Keep going man. You are doing great. When you are feeling like you are today, find someone other than your W to call... or come here and just write a ton.
Chin up!
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
HORRORS, am having a real downtime today and I cant explain why.
Want to call her so bad and talk to her. Ask her about what she meant with the quote. HERE comes the downward spiral . Wonder where her head space is at right now.
I wont act on these feelings but they are driving me nuts. I dont know why this is happening. I just really want her back and my family back in tact an for life to go on the way it was supposed to. How immature are these thoughts.
I am trying very hard to stay the course but I guess today is a major backslide in my GAL. I havent called her but I want to so bad.
I mean ,I have gone dark and it really hasnt changed much. Except that moment of weakness from her about a downward spiral.
Why would she want me of all people to know this. Shouldnt she be going on like her life is exactly how should would want it right now?
Help please.
9
Nine - If you remember, a few days ago I really wanted to talk to STBX. Then I did on Saturday and Sunday and then yesterday she showed up at my house to drop off S17. The details are in my thread, but the bottom line is that the last few days have been tough on me. She didn't suddenly see the light and come to me with open arms. She didn't do a thing except exert her usual control over me. You are stronger than me, but I still can't see anything good for you in speaking with her.
As for meanings in things she says, I try to find silver linings all the time. I can wish in one hand and crap in the other. We both know which will get full first. If our WAW have something positive, nice or life changing to tell us they will - on their own time.
Don't go through the pain I have the last couple days. Learn from me my friend. Stay safe in the darkness.
