SF: yup, you are right. I guess also i need to leran to move with the flow.
Journaling...
Just talked to my daughter. Wife is at work today so MIL tried to help out with the convo. I guess during the convo, daughter hit herself with the phone and started crying. I know it is something so mundane. But the moment i heard her crying voice, i just had knots in my stomach. I just felt like rushing there and cradling her and comforting her. I can still feel the presence of me carrying her when i saw her on saturday. The pain of missing out on being there with my baby is just unbearable sometimes. Sometimes i wish god had given me harder heart to deal with this pain. Even when she was a baby and during the time wife was with me, i just could not take it when daughter cried. It is amazing. I am not exactly crazy for kids. But with my baby, i am just a melted cheese.
Just wanted to vent out the frustration on missing out the important years of my child.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
When there's children (especially young ones) involved, it's never, ever, easy. Why walk-away spouses do what they do is beyond mortal explanation. Couples w/o children is one thing -- it's between the two of them. However, when a child (or more) is in the picture, that's a whole other matter. You wonder who's the "child" then.
When i asked for good time to talk to daughter, wife insisted that 4-5pm was the best one. This is the time i am at work. But still, i make sure that this time is blocked out so no meetings are are scheduled for me during this time. I told wife that. But on numerous occasions wife asks me to call up later at other times. I usually comply. But nowadays I am also letting her know that i make an effort to make sure that 4-5pm is cleared for me. Looks like she does not care or does not get it.
MyK, have you let your L know that your W likes to play games like this? This isn't right. She insist on a good time for you to call, you adjust your schedule and then your daughter isn't available to talk at the time your W agreed to.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I am not sure whats going on this week...I thought i was not on the rollercoaster that happened last weekend. Looks like i am.
All the negative feelings that seemed to have gone away lately have returned this week. Maybe it is also because of father's day.
I also just want to vent here. Somehow this morning i am just boiling with anger on what just what my wife has done with our family. Then i try to reason with myself that everyone is allowed to f*ck up once. But still seeing how i am missing out on everything related to my daughter, I sometimes dont know how i'll be able to forgive her.
Just having a very bad morning today.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
Is ok Karma, this is the place to vent and show anger. Remember that its not cool to show it to her. I can relate man, I have been up and down like a toilet seat lately but TOday ,i have some strength that I will not one person dictate the rest of my life.
YES it stinks and we can wonder FOREVER WHY. What good will that do us. She is control of her own life and if she chooses to throw it away, THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO.
So be angry , but only for a little while. Find whatever positives you can find from this and go with that. Man you have to.
BE strong Karma.
9
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
Wife just called to talk. She joined her new work this wednesday. She called up to tell me about her work and that how excited she was.
I am genuinely happy for her that she's getting to work for a company the deals with foreign countries.
She said "i know we are about to be separated and all. But i so want to tell you about my work. So i am going to pretend that we are still married"
I listened, asked some questions about her work and told her that i am happy for her. Then i got interrupted by work. So i hung up and sent her a text saying that i am happy for her.
But...I cannot believe her attitude in all this. It is like she wants the benefits of marriage, but without problems. That sounds either immature or selfish. Ironically i get called both those terms.
I like watching 'American dad' that is available on netflix. The show could be goofy, have different political views. But there's one thing i've been learning a lot from it. Marriage is a bloody teamwork. Both the players can carry baggage, be defective, makes mistakes. But as long as they commit to the team, it can make wonders and provide a secure environment to the kids borne out of that relationship. Marriage is never beautiful, loving, non-dysfunctional and peaceful. Most good marriages are quite the opposite. I guess as long as you know that your partner is willing to stick with you come rain or shine, I am sure most will work hard enough to make that partner proud of the choice he or she has made.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
Wife just called to talk. She joined her new work this wednesday. She called up to tell me about her work and that how excited she was.
I am genuinely happy for her that she's getting to work for a company the deals with foreign countries.
She said "i know we are about to be separated and all. But i so want to tell you about my work. So i am going to pretend that we are still married"
This is actually good (she could be calling someone else, but she chose you). Try to make all your interactions positive experiences for her. Be really supportive and encouraging in things that are good for her and your D.
Then, when she comes back for more of the same, give her a little, then make some excuse for not being able to talk and cut back on it. You are the prize. If she wants your time and attention, she needs to earn it.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
