Sorry for the light response, TM. I understand you are feeling down about the money stuff and the R/M and about some conversation she may or may not have with her nephew, etc...
This is where you step back and out and focus on you for a moment. Hard to do when, but it will help you ground yourself.
The money came from her personal account, but we can access each other's account information online.
W is going out after work with friends for a "girl's night out". In the 11+ years I have known her she has never gone out to a club/bar with only her friends. I'm not worried, but it is very much out of character for her.
It is also a bit frustrating because I would invite her to go out with me or with our friends and she nearly always declined; I can recall 1 time she accepted.
Just sayin...
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Telemark This is just typical WAW behavior. They're desperate to feel, young, free and independent. Give her time to get this out of her system. Remember she is running away from you and also from herself. She needs time to remember why she didn't like the bar scene to begin with.
Telemark, I truly believe that our spouses are sort of DBing us in a sense. We take notice of their changes and desperately miss them and want them back. Whether this is deserved or not that is another question.. BE STRONG.. Keeping your cool and keeping the upper hand will come to your benefit.. There will come a time when she thinks about you and misses you.. Give her the chance..
______________________________________ H:32 W: 35 M- 11 Tog- 13 D-5 S-9 Sep. June 5th Bomb 6/27/11 OW Discovered on July 18th and admitted.... Divorced 11/22/2011 Ex Engaged to OW Jan. 2012
I am an amateur musician, so fortunately I have a gig nearly every weekend. Been going to the gym daily and have several invitations from friends to join them for dinner. And when none of that is happening I'll go for a good bike ride.
It all helps, but at the end of it I still have to go home, which is becoming the low point of my day.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
One day at a time, tele, one day at a time. Understand your feelings of going home is a low point...here too...problem is you don't know what to expect. You need to keep up the GAL, and better yourself FOR yourself, and let her SEE the changes. You need to bury some things (money issues, closed door computer, etc) for a while, not for the long term. You have to ride it out, and see where the journey leads. She is all over the boards, a sign of confusion, and you not entirely a model of rock solid stability yourself. Hang tough. Stay focused on the long game. Don't let temporary blips (nephew this weekend) get to you. Take it in stride. Be strong.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
Thanks, AC. Funny how we all know these things intellectually and logically, but still get blindsided by our emotions.
This morning I'm feeling more detached and more focused on my life and well-being; up to now thoughts of my W have been constant. This morning, not so much. And I like this feeling of not being so dependent on her to give me some sense of value.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Yep. I have to work on the same thing. I am trying to be here for her and be a nice guy, but I need to be careful that I am not a doormat. She needs to want to have me around. I am trying to detach and be aloof. Not easy.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
Telemark, I know how tough it is to go home when you don't know what to expect. It's an opportunity to put on your best game face. You can set the tone. There have been times where I felt like I was messin' with my W. There have been other times where I've let this positive and upbeat feeling permeate my feelings and it's changed how I interact with other people in a positive way.
I think it is not that I don't know what to expect, because W has been polite and pleasant. It's the fact that she is polite and pleasant, and nothing more. She is a stunningly beautiful and sexy woman, and to be inches away from her and not be able to have any type of affectionate or passionate contact...that still causes pain and sorrow. So I do what I can to avoid any contact unless it is necessary, which feels unnatural after so many years of being close in the same house.
That's why I said earlier sometimes I think a physical separation would be easier; there would not be the constant reminder of what was and what may never be again.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
