Too Tired To Fight

[25yearsmlc]

25 - You're right. I don't have anything to lose.
She is trying to make this an amicable break. She just won't let go. Last time I saw her.. I told myself I wouldn't talk about r.. but I did. Can't take it back, but I did learn valuable things instead of assuming. Like that she didn't want me in her life at the moment because of the shame. She said that we did need to set a date to determine if we would stay together or divorce. I asked her if she had an answer now. She said no.


Hello?? She's NOT sure she wants out...that's NOT bad.

Now you have to decide how you will show her that marriage to you '

from this day forward

(=NO LOOKING BACK & HOLDING THIS OVER HER HEAD)


Is going to somehow be better/different, than before.

I'm sure she fears relapsing and YOU have to make some changes in YOU...so

where do YOU want to start? IF you are reading the divorce remedy book,

you know you have to make these changes real, not merely "tactics" to get her back. This is about making the best Val that Val can be.

Make sense?

I find the NC really helping me deal with stuff.

If it helps YOU and doesn't make her too distant, then do what works. At some point


you will need contact to demonstrate the new dynamic between you two.

And help her with her shame if you can...not sure that's your job though...

have to ponder that.


I'm reading the books but am scared. Yes, Yes, and yes to everything you said. I am getting the feeling that you think my r "is possible to turnaround but not likely". Forgive me if that sounds anything other than curious.

Will keep pushing forward. Thank you for responding to my thread. I truly value your opinion.

Being here at all, is not a great sign. So I don't tell people "hey THIS IS GOING TO WORK FOR SURE..."

It's just a chance at an otherwise horrible long shot. I believe DBing improves a 10% chance

to maybe 25-30%

(but I gave my own m a 10% chance 5 years ago, so what do I know?)


and so that's more than doubling it...


The thing I can guarantee you is that if you learn this "solution based approach"


ALL of your R's will improve...&


that's worth it.


Good luck

I'll post more later--going out of town a few days