"If you stick around even though there are no signs they will change" ... and there's the part that really ticks me off... it's an assumption. I often hear that saying used by people who have been given signs of change -- promises, remorse, even 180s -- that didn't last, and then they kick themselves for trusting again. Yes, I did intend that the whole point is that a jerk is a jerk is a jerk, and nice people shouldn't beat themselves up for wanting to have faith in someone. Some jerks just know how to play people and will take advantage of people who care about them and want to believe the best of them.
What I need changes. Lately, I've just needed to remind myself that H is lashing out, because he's in pain. That doesn't mean I deserve it, just that I understand that he’s coming from a very bad place. It’s too bad he can’t relate what we’re going through to when the tables were turned. I was inconsolable when he left me, and he was miserable about leaving me. Eventually I got my act together and smacked a smile on my life. Our first D went a lot more smoothly for both of us after I stopped freaking out about it.
