STILL here...even after I quit.

[BeTheMan]

((BTM))

I just wanted you to know that you're in my thoughts and life is gonna be good again, even though it might not feel like it right now. Even though you could have interacted with her differently, you are going through a tremendous thing and we're pulling for you.

Thanks. If it wasn't for the support of strangers her over the last (almost) 6 years, I wonder how I would have even gotten this far.

[BeTheMan]

I spent the last half hour or so thinking about today. It was the first time we have seen each other in almost 2 months and would have been a great time to show STBX a different BTM.

Here's what I should have been able to post:

When I was working in the front yard today, I saw STBX's car coming down the street. I went to work in the back yard. She had to wait for S17 to print out a form to sign, so she got out of car and came to the back yard. I kept working and we exchanged some small talk. STBX brought up the R and said she wants me to buy her out of the house now. I said "I will have to think about that - not sure it works for me or the kids". I noticed that she has lost weight, but never said a word. She made a few more comments about our situation and I politely responded with non committal statements. S17 gave his Mom the form, they hugged and she said good bye to me. I said "bye ______" using her name which I rarely do. STBX left and I continued working.


Now...folks...honestly....on a scale of 1 to 10, score what I actually did versus what I wish I had done. Seriously.

[MrBond]

First off you need to stop focusing on how you screwed up.

Take this time instead to learn how you are NOT going to screw up again.

[BeTheMan]

I made a promise to myself that I will remember this day the next time there is an opportunity. I am not focusing on the fact that I screwed up, bur rather on what I should have done and will do next time. I realized she came here for a reason. She wants money, while still keeping health insurance and more importantly, still keeping BTM wrapped around her finger, and playing with he. Damn she is good.

[BeTheMan]

Making some plans for the next few weeks. I had clear plans in the past and that always helped me. If not, I let my emotions control my actions.

Next few days - stay dark and live my life.

Jun 23 - STBX 41st birthday and the 23rd anniversary of the day we met. I am going to give her a generic card (not a mushy to my wife one). I am working on the script now. Nothing too emotional, but recognizing the day and where we were 23 years ago and one year ago, but also the reality of where we are today.

Just before I leave for vacation on July 6 - Send an email outlining the financial details on buying her out of the house. I will not do that without the divorce being final at the same time. I am also going to confirm that she will continue to pay me $500 per child as long as they live with me. I intend to clearly state that while I still believe divorce is wrong that it's now the only choice and require that to buy her out.

July 6-13 - Visit an old friend in Calgary and attend the Stampede. That will give me a full week to prepare for her response to the email, but at the same time, take a break from all of this.


If things go the way they should, we will be divorced by end of year, but I will still be in my house with my kids, getting $1000 per month from her, financially stable, healthy and finally have closure.

Any thoughts or advice as I enter the Big D phase?

[ninelives]

For all intents, although not officially divorced, I may as well be. We did the legal sep. route and it went fairly quickly.

I pay her $200 per month for child suporrt as we split custody of our youngest per week and the oldest is with me full time. No spousal.

I bought her out of the house so she is off the mortgage. I gave her all our rrsp, $30 thousand and kept her on my benefits.
In exchane, she didnt touch my pension.

So even though its not a divorce, it sure feels like one. Its just the terms on a piece of paper that are different.

Hang in there BTW. I was HIT today with a wave of strength that I CANNOT let one GIRL dictate how IM going to live the rest of my life. WE CANT give them that much POWER. ITS our lives. Sure, its one of the worst things we could have imagined but it IS real and now WE have to deal with it.

Faith, 25, 2step, Starsky, Country sooooooo many Bits and others nailed it. WE have to DROP that DAMN rope once and for all. Got to swim to the other shore and not look back.

You have decent money, you are still youngish. Time to look forward and take the positives. CMON BTM, lets do it for real.

LET GO ALREADY.

9

[ninelives]

BTM, just a typo, not a jab at you. (BTW)

[GAL Man]

Hang in there BTW. I was HIT today with a wave of strength that I CANNOT let one GIRL dictate how IM going to live the rest of my life. WE CANT give them that much POWER. ITS our lives. Sure, its one of the worst things we could have imagined but it IS real and now WE have to deal with it.

Faith, 25, 2step, Starsky, Country sooooooo many Bits and others nailed it. WE have to DROP that DAMN rope once and for all. Got to swim to the other shore and not look back.

You have decent money, you are still youngish. Time to look forward and take the positives. CMON BTM, lets do it for real.

LET GO ALREADY.

9

What he said, nice 9

[BeTheMan]

Nine - Me demanding divorce in order to buy her out of the house is the most I have ever dropepd the rope. I am now making moves and plans to get on with my life. Just looking for some advice and support at this critical stage.

[ninelives]

The advice I can give you is be prepared for some pain but accept it as the next stage. When I saw her signature me vs her and her. The reality hit me like a ton of brick. I actually had a tear in the lawyers office. But IT IS WHAT IT IS. Last time she signed, it didnt get to me. I did not sign because she pleaded me not to. This time , I was hell bent on signing regardless.

In some ways it was good becuase it brought a little closure, but I would be lying if I didnt hope for a last minute reprive from the govenor. Be ready for some pain but try and find the positive from it as well.

9