WAW - true or false?

[rh24]

So here's a new update:

This weekend is W's birthday. I arranged for a limo to take us and another couple gambling about an hour from home - about a five hour round-trip with 3 hours of fun gambling. That's been something that we've always had a lot of fun doing together. She's also been pretty stressed out about her work and all the stuff going on with the kids activities and stuff so I wanted to give her a fun, relaxing, 'nicer than usual' experience.

I've had this planned for almost two weeks. All I had told her was to keep the late afternoon to early evening clear on Saturday because I had something planned for her birthday. At dinner Sunday night, W was talking about how much she would like to go gambling soon and I was thinking "Yes, nailed it on the birthday plans!"

Last night on the way to son's baseball game, W says "I'm just too tired, I don't want to do anything on my bday, I just want x, y and z presents (all practical things) and to get some rest."

I was floored and very disappointed. I didn't react all that well, but I did WAY better than I would have in the past.

I got a chance to talk to MIL alone and I asked "Do you think she really means it? I just need to know if I have to cancel the limo - which will cost money and tell our friends 'nevermind'." I asked if maybe I should just tell her the plans and see what she wanted to do - MIL thought that was a good idea.

So I told W, here's what I had planned. She immediately said "A limo?! Have you met me? When have I ever wanted to get a limo?" Then I offered some alternate plans for the limo - to go out as a family for dinner using the limo. She didn't like that either. I said, "OK, I'll just cancel it, but there's a $99 fee since it's within two weeks." To which she says, "Great, I could have used that to buy X!". I replied, "Please don't turn this into a negative against me. I was trying to do something nice that I thought you would really enjoy."

Things were a 'tad' heated, but I maintained a fairly even-keel. I told W, listen "I just feel really disappointed because I put a lot of time and thought into this because I wanted you to have a really great birthday - I don't want to feel this way and it's not your fault - I'm just sharing how I feel."

After that she was a little cold for just a couple of minutes and I was thinking, 'OK, there is the nail in the coffin of our M'. But then I just went into 'positive' mode pretty straight away, and within minutes she was interacting with me in a very positive way for the rest of the night.

I was actually very surprised at how well the rest of the night went. The only thought I kept coming back to was that she was happy that I was able to share how I felt about something and then recover and go on about the evening as a nice, normal person.

When we got home it was late and we all were heading straight to bed. She got in bed first and I pulled a stool up next to the bed and I told her "I'm sorry that I felt frustrated and disappointed about changing your birthday plans, I just know that you've been working so hard lately and have had a tough time and I really wanted to try to make your birthday great. I understand that you're tired and that's fine, we'll do whatever you want to do."

To that she said "I do want to go gambling sometime, but it's just too much right now, I need a break."

I then rubbed her head slightly and told her "Good night."

In the morning I accidentally set the alarm 15 minutes too early. Normally that would be something she would slam me for. When I realized it I said "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought I had set it for Y." She replied very nicely, "Oh, that's ok." I was pleasantly surprised by that reaction.

We had a decent morning routine. Then when I got to work I checked my schedule and called her to let her know that I could take S to baseball tomorrow so she could try to get her mom into the doctor, which was one of her stress points for this week. She was appreciative and said 'Thank you.'

That's about it for now. I thought I handled the situation MUCH more productively than ever in the past. She seemed to react positively to it, but as always I know that's just my interpretation. Just last week she expressed the need to hear what I'm feeling, so by doing just that hopefully that will help to remove one of the bricks in the wall between us.