ooohweee what'sup wit that

[MichelleLT]

but you know, who cares WHY they do, IF they also do the work with you?

Well 25 I think I would care. Your initial reaction would be very similar to mine. The reason to me is just as important as the decision. It is the reason behind it that would influence my decision. I want somebody to want me as badly as I want them, not because I am comfortable and secure. If that is the reason behind it then I am merely a security blanket. That is not good enough for me. Make sense?

Someone who is prideful and/or stubborn will need an excuse to come back. Who cares if finances or D or the house or a job is their EXCUSE to come back. They would not come back and do the work if they did not want you and the relationship! WASs eat a lot of pride, take a huge risk of rejection, when they contemplate coming back. It's one of the hardest things they ever do, a LOT harder than leaving in the first place. So who cares what their excuse is, they are choosing to take those risks and make themselves vulnerable, they are CHOOSING YOU by their actions regardless of their words.

2step - she thought she'd tried everything, therefore she told herself she had to leave. She didn't try everything, because she didn't knowwhat other options were out there. You cannot blame her for lack of knowledge. We are all ignorant at some point.

You know Michelle I get this to a certain point. I didn’t know either, but I went out and found it. I understood her leaving to a certain point, even blamed myself for helping out in the process. At one point though I stopped understanding, you know when? When OM came in the picture.

The OP is never about the OP. It's about the WAS running from themselves, looking for someone to tell them they are making the right choice, to validate them and make them feel better. The OM is a symptom of her issues, not a cause of anything. So you should have sympathy. And respect for the fact that she didn't have an A while you were M. A lot of people on these boards don't have WASs that were that considerate.

As for her not telling you things, you're D. She doesn't owe you anything. And you don't owe her anything. Except the basic manners and respect you would show to a complete stranger.

The fact that she's hiding things from you means she's concerned about your reaction. If she didn't care about you she wouldn't care what you thought. So it's not actually a negative, merely a sign of the gulf between you two.

If your w's never return, they'll always wonder if your changes lasted/were real
and if so, whether they would have lasted & been real for them
and if so, they will wonder about & mourn what they lost...
they'll second guess their choices,
every time something in their new
wonderful life, goes wrong
every time a holiday comes around, or a memory resurfaces, they will wonder.
When things go well for them,
they'll wonder if that could have happened anyhow,[i] with their original families...[/i]

Whereas the LBSer who grows, & owns their ROLE in the problems & learned from them,
MUST make the best of the situation, for they had no choice in the matter.
Those LBSers lives improve.
Those LBSers won't wonder or look over their shoulder.

The WAS always will...

HEAR HEAR!