The big punch - Redux

[Redo]

Journaling....

Saw daughter this weekend. It was great!. Was there for her first swimming class, took potrait pictures with her in the Photo studio. Had fun !!!

Also big time drama with wife..Not even sure how to interpret.

Cutting down all the details, wife at one point before i left her parents place, asked me to find out more info the DB process to see if we could reconcile....

But then again while driving back home, i get a call where effectively she told me that she cannot forget the past. where she tried for 3 years trying to make me see that family is important whereas i decided to wallow in sorrow.

I guess right now i am at a point where i have no clue as to what she's thinking. I am supposed to respond to an email of hers that she sent before the weekend. This email was about the discussion of child custody. But with this discussion, i am not sure if i should respond to that email.

Yup, on sunday she was back again being distant on the phone. She has an interview today so she said she could not think about anything else.

I guess this was my first rollercoaster ride....

[ninelives]

MK

It is difficult to move on but its something that you must do, for now. Its been said so much here but it is your only reality at this point. It is insane to keep spinning your wheels in the hope that she comes around. She might even if you move on ; ESPECIALLY if you move on. Thats when they get interested. When they afraid of losing you.

Keep working on it MK. It does happen. I cant say I have totally moved on but I am GAL and it helps so much.

9

[Redo]

Yup 9, you are right about me GALing and dropping the rope. One thing i am glad and proud is my not getting excited when she talked about reconciliation. I guess i was aware of the rollercoaster, from these forums. So i was prepared for the high and the low.

But there are somethings i have learnt.
* she is aware how this gonna affect our daughter.
* She seems to be getting pressure from her family though it is not apparent
* She has no intention of having a new relationship.

So yea i need to drop the rope and do my stuff. If she comes, good. If not, it is her loss.

[LITB]

I like what I am hearing from you MyK. You are doing much better these days. I'm happy for you.

For your W to even mention reconciliation is a long way from where you were just a short time ago. GAL and dropping the rope will make a world of difference for you.

[Redo]

Thanks LITB:

I am not sure if i was responsible for her change of heart. My daughter did start crying when she saw me leave. She is getting attached to me. My wife sees that and knows that only I and her can give our baby the best and no one can step in those shoes. I just need her realize that our problems are not as un-surmountable as it seems. But in all these, she needs to forgive and forget and try to move on, rather than re-hashing the past.

[spellfire]

For her to even mention the possibility is a small step forward for you. Yes, do not get your hopes up, but also take it as positive feedback that what you are doing is working.

If she is serious about it, she is going to TEST YOU to make sure the changes she sees in you are real. This means she will intentionally try to hurt you to see if you will fall back into your old self.

The first step to passing them is to know they are coming.

[Redo]

Thanks SF. Your quote at the end was the first to really make a mark on me. Thank you so much for that. I guess the next big push was from 25. And all the BITS that helped me realize that i was being unattractive by NOT being strong.

Saturday during the entire convo i had no sense of fear. Usually when talking to wife about these things, i am freaking out inside. Saturday i was calm. I guess because i realized that i had nothing to lose. I already lost everything.

Yup the whole time wife was getting upset that i did not see her way. But then i told her multiple times. "Wife I fully own my problems of not being your rock, your man when you needed me. I cannot do anything to change the past. But i have seen now how unmanly i was and i know i'll not let it be that way again. That is all i can offer you. I cannot change the past"

But as i said, she holds too much resentment and openly said that she can never forget and even asked me that if she comes back if i'll guilty her for taking daughter away. I said "If there are 2 things i have learnt over these months, it is forgiveness and forgetting the past and moving on. So you know what my actions will be"

Though i was excited at the moment when she started opening up, i tempered my excitement as i drove home knowing that
1: She will easily change her decision (which she did do)
2: A decision that came out of a 2hr convo might not last too long
3: As i told her, if we decide to get back, we'll have to re-boot everything. That will not be easy and definitely will not happen in days or weeks.

I did offer to send her a copy of "hold me tight" book as i had 2 copies and she agreed to read it. But later on that evening when i asked her if she wanted me to mail it, she changed the subject.

But i guess in a small way i made her aware that in the long run, this lifestyle that she has chosen is not good for either of us.

Hope she understands that i am willing to walk the talk to make it work with her.

[Redo]

Journaling....

Talked to daughter yesterday. Again i mentioned if wife wanted me to respond to her email on some divorce related questions. She said yes. So i guess whatever motions she was going through on saturday were fleeting. Yea so i'll be sending her the response as usual. On saturday i also asked if she wanted me to mail her a book (hold-me tight). She said yes. Yesterday i reminded her again. Now she was hesitant and said she might not be able to read it as she has started some classes at the local university. But she asked to mail it. I did it this morning.

I am just gonna keep an open mind to all this. On one hand i feel dumb that i am pursuing her even after all this crap. But on the other I feel that all this negative stuff will pass and that a good future awaits us both if i can ride out this crazy wave.

[Redo]

Journaling

Called to talked to daughter at usual time yesterday. Looks like wife's family was having some party. Could not reach my daughter.

When i asked for good time to talk to daughter, wife insisted that 4-5pm was the best one. This is the time i am at work. But still, i make sure that this time is blocked out so no meetings are are scheduled for me during this time. I told wife that. But on numerous occasions wife asks me to call up later at other times. I usually comply. But nowadays I am also letting her know that i make an effort to make sure that 4-5pm is cleared for me. Looks like she does not care or does not get it.

But i guess yesterdays was a big milestone for her. She got a job that she interviewed for. Not a permanent one, but a contract position.

I am happy for her. But i am also having a big time panic attack right now. Her getting a job means that she will have fewer reasons to even consider reconciliation. I could be wrong. I just wish i can move past this event. Looks like for now i am stuck on it.

[spellfire]

If she comes back to you just for financial reasons, it wont last anyway. Keep moving forward.