back again

[jbnati]

Hang in there, AC. This is still in early stages, so you still have time to DB.

[any chance?]

Appt with L was cancelled today by her L. W was distraught, and decided that demonizing me was the proper thing to do. She wanted this day to be some kind of event, closure or a start to her new beginning, I am not sure.

Why would she spend the weekend having fun with me if she is so hellbent on a D/S? Today she worked in the yard. Does someone leaving spend time in the yard? The Munson article would say no.

I know I can't spend time trying to read her mind. I just wish this would all go away. But it is not going to.

[Telemark]

She has one foot in the boat and one foot on the dock. I'll pray for your sake that the reality of what she is doing really starts to sink in, if it hasn't already.

[any chance?]

Can't get my brain around what is going on. We had a great day on Sunday, lots of adventure. Monday we had a appt with her L that the L cancelled, which depressed my W. Yesterday she seemed OK, called me at work a couple of times, we had dinner together.

She seems distant, cold. Tired all the time and depressed.

I am trying to DB, and be steady and consistant. Doing lots around the house, cooking dinner, trying to get her out of the house when possible. No prying, no R talk, acting as if the D is not even happening. Moving ahead with my work.

I have not even been back a week yet. Can't tell if she is glad to have me back or not. Can't really tell what is going on.

I am uncertain whether I keep on being a nice guy, taking care of her and the home, or if I should work on detaching, doing things without her, not really paying attention to what she is doing. Wish I knew what to do.

[~¤DG¤~]

I think you should detach a little bit. You can still do things around the house, because it is your house also.

It is so hard when they go back and fourth.

[Telemark]

AC, our W's must be related...

I noticed that when I pulled back even a little, my W became more pleasant and more interested in what I was doing, where I was going, how my day was, etc. As soon as I started to even try to get closer, she backed off and the walls were up.

I'd say detach some more.

[jbnati]

AC/Telemark, I think many of our wives are related. Either that, or they're all going to marriagebusting.com and getting this advice from a marriage busting coach?

[Telemark]

"marriagebusting.com"

Thanks for the laugh, jbnati; we all needed that!

[any chance?]

Seems like it is a done deal from this end. W is so matter-of-fact about our D. Going to tell her mother we are splitting. Doesn't care who knows. She is just planning on leaving here in January for a leave of absence after our divorce/separation are complete. Seems to be treating it as just way it is. Seems to have little remorse. Just moving on I guess.

However, we are living together, doing things together. Going to a concert for three days in July.

I don't know where to go from here. Do I just accept it and move on? Really want to get in a talk about her feeling and R, but that goes against everything on this board. If I was asked where I stood, I would have to say it is simply over. I have a hard time thinking I have a chance.

[Telemark]

AC, I'm sorry to read your W is being so matter-of-fact about everything. It's difficult to know how to act with that kind of cold attitude being given off.

IMO, you should accept the reality what is happening and protect yourself mentally and emotionally as much as possible. I don't think any talks with your W about her feelings, your M or any R will do any good, and probably would open up new wounds. She's moving through her plan methodically so she doesn't allow room for any distraction.