WAW in Los Angeles

[dbmod]

Hi wawinla-

There is nothing wrong with your posts, it is just taking awhile for posts to be approved. Folks are not usually on moderation permanently, you may soon be posting freely.

[wawinla]

DB:

I apologize for being anxious...just in the midst of one of those "down" periods.

Thank you for your hard work on the board...it is appreciated.

[wawinla]

Journal:

I saw my WAW for the first time in 8 weeks. It was surreal, awkward, happy, and sad at the same time. I noted the following...not sure what everything means...appreciate any insight:

--She emphasized that she is committed to the finalizing the D. However there was no discussion of a settlement agreement
--She wanted to know how I was doing. She said she has good/bad days. I told her I do as well, but GAL.
--She said we're dealing with the D under the same time frame (since February), she didn't think about filing until then. Is this possible?
--Teared up when I told her that are next door neighbors are getting D. Very moved and affected by it.
--She has always been a foodie/cooking. She's fully immersed now after leaving. I told her to take the food processor, but she insisted on leaving it at the house.
--Asked how my job search was going. Told her that I have some good leads. She was supportive and made a nice comment that I deserved to get my first choice.

She took some remaining clothes and left. The whole interaction took about 30 minutes.

The rest of the evening I was pretty down. Seeing her made me miss her so much, wrestling and struggling with acceptance of the situation and hoping for a change of heart.

We're finally having some nice weather in SoCal...will go out to get my mind off everything.

[wawinla]

Update:

My WAW spoke last night to follow up on some logistical issues from our last communication/meeting. We had agreed that to defray the cost of the mortgage,I would take on roommates.

Last evening, she called and said this arrangement is unfair and she would rather let the house foreclose than contribute her share of the mortgage. Upon filing, she decided to move out and get an apartment on her own. In the current sitn, she is better off financially. I stated roommates is a consequence of her decision. We had a cordial conversation and eventually she agreed.

My GAL and 180's came up indirectly during our talk. She mentioned, "Now your doing that?" as well as some "In the future, maybe you won't be a workaholic".

We ended with her expressing that despite battling through difficult topics, it was nice catching up.

I don't know what to think. After we spoke, I was sad. I miss my W and the nearly 20 years we spent together. GAL continues, but the emotional swings of everything really hit home.

Was this a "positive" interaction?

[LITB]

Last evening, she called and said this arrangement is unfair and she would rather let the house foreclose than contribute her share of the mortgage. Upon filing, she decided to move out and get an apartment on her own. In the current sitn, she is better off financially. I stated roommates is a consequence of her decision. We had a cordial conversation and eventually she agreed.

At least she didn’t get upset, especially since you threw in “a consequence of her decision”.

My GAL and 180's came up indirectly during our talk. She mentioned, "Now your doing that?" as well as some "In the future, maybe you won't be a workaholic".

Despite that there hasn’t been much contact, your W is taking notice of your changes. Keep on keeping on.

We ended with her expressing that despite battling through difficult topics, it was nice catching up.

What is not to like about getting a compliment from your W regarding the convo with you?

I don't know what to think. After we spoke, I was sad. I miss my W and the nearly 20 years we spent together. GAL continues, but the emotional swings of everything really hit home.

I’m borrowing a saying(paraphrasing) from 25, “every minute spent on thinking/analyzing your WAW is a minute wasted on you”. (I’m sure I screwed that up. Hope you get the gist of it.) BTW, I know the exact feeling you speak of.

Was this a "positive" interaction?

Yes, chalk it up as a positive interaction. Does it mean anything? Only time will tell. Stay the course.

[wawinla]

LITB...THANKS for the encouragement and the reminder to stay the course.

When you're in the down phase, which I'm pushing myself out of, each day seems like a year.

This weekend is about enjoying the nice weather in SoCal.

[wawinla]

Update:

My WAW emailed me this AM and said she wanted to come by tomorrow to pick up mail. There's nothing pressing that she needs and I would prefer that she not come over. Mainly as part of my GAL I've been running and I had a little accident this week...tripped and fell. I've been in bed since then and the last thing I wanted was my WAW seeing me in this state.

Is it unreasonable to put her off a few days. She's reached out a more recently, but mostly it's communication on the unwinding of the relationship department. It's almost maniac, very similar behavior when dropped the bomb in January.

I'm trying to remain even keel about everything, but it's kicked me into an emotional roller coaster.

[wawinla]

Update:

Sent an email to her and told her tomorrow isn't good. She agreed to wait a few days.

I've realized that when I interact with my WAW, my GAL, 180', activities for me get sidetracked as well as second guessed as I get sucked into the vortex of focusing on her reaction and not me.

Sigh...need to remember it's about me and sadly that our paths are no longer one. I need to persevere...one day at a time.

[wawinla]

Update:

My WAW came over about 2 weeks ago to get mail and to meet some contractors that are repairing a fence between our home and the neighbors.

The meeting was brief, no more than 40 minutes. The interesting piece of mail was a letter from her father. My WAW has been estranged from her family for 12 years, due to her father. The letter was to reach out to reconnect. Her response to the letter was surprise. She said, "I'll deal with one thing at a time". I assume she meant the D/sitch as the one thing first.

What also came up was that she was going to NYC for vacation. Her departing flight was early (6:30 am), so I offered to take her to the airport. She agreed. When I arrived, we had a nice conversation on the ride, nothing heavy. I offered to pick her up from the airport, but she declined. Since then, no contact until this AM.

The contractors had questions about the fence. I didn't want to not include her in the process, so I text her. She ended up calling and was annoyed. "I'm never going to live in the house again, so make the decision that you want". Shortly thereafter, she instant messaged me and apologize for rushing me off the phone, as she is busy at the office after being gone on vacation for a week. She said, "Are you happy with your decisions regarding the fence?" Why repeat those words?

I haven't responded. I want to let her know that I did not mean to be insensitive to her time, but wanted her feedback. Not sure how to respond without sounding weak.

I'm in the low end of the ebb and flow. I'm GAL, but this whole discourse brings the weight of the situation to bear. So frustrated and angry.

[greenblue90]

Don't apologize for including her in the decision making process. In fact she apologized to you, so just drop it and move on. Don't even respond to her last text. It's just provocation.

Right now she's all about blaming you, and you apologizing for something that was not wrong will just enable that. The longer she keeps blaming you the longer till she realizes what she is doing to both your lives.

Btw how was reading no more mr nice guy?