Tad, E is very very right. Where your wife is right now? Who knows? But truth be told that is not the important part. Your journaling sounds like a great step. You are becoming much more objective from where you were. Not there yet, but another day closer...
The contradictory stuff? The alienating friends? Family that suddenly despises you are can't look you in the eye? Yep. Been there and doing that still. I could tell you stories, but they would seem so familiar you might be bored. I know I am. Or at least tired of it. Drained.
Does the suspicion and paranoia stop? Doubful for a long time. That's par for the course.
You do need to wish her well regardless of what happens. To do otherwise, in my opinion is to have lived a hypocritical life when it comes down to it. Get to that point.
Lots of positives in your life right now Tad. One negative (or is it? Only time will tell if it is positive or negative) will not define the time period nor you.
Be courageous and be you. Be positive and be graceful. Be you.
Your sons need your leadership. Having been a son that watched his dad crumble when my mom died, I can say it is very important that you not crumble. That you be there for them and watch what you say to them. What you say carries a tremendous weight.
Her trying to reconnect? That's a good thing, Tad. She will not try to reconnect with you until the very end, if at all. Don't worry about that because worry won't help. Focus on you and the boys and let the rest take care of itself.
AJM
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
