Pregnancy and the LD husband

[Dr.mom]

I think you hit it on the head . . . he stresses over being "The Provider", whether fictitious or real, this bothers him greatly as he is indeed and Old School guy. And this probably translates into the bedroom. He has said he's always been with girlfriends that were LD, and is not quite sure what to make of me.

I know I need to enbrace my femininity and softer side (this was a problem in my first marriage . . my ex left me because he said I didn't "need him"). I am a self-made professional woman and intimidate the hell out of just about everyone. Kinda been that way since I was sixteen. Brains, looks, confidence, etc. And self-admittedly, too independent.

Just last night, I couldn't sleep, H was already passed out by 8:30 PM, so I wandered out to the barn and tinkered around with the tractor. Changed the oil, flushed the radiator, replaced the fuel fliter and transmission fluid.

Yes. The fact that I do this scares off most men.

So I'm wondering how to act more "feminine" so his masculinity does not feel so threatened. I know men like to be the MAN in the household. I'm capable of doing everything myself, but have learned from the past that to make a guy feel good, I need to "ask" him to "help" me.

Problem is, when I do this, he fails to step up to the plate. He talks about how busy and stressed he is. So I feel bad piling "extra chores" on him to help out his ego. The dang tractor needed to be fixed. He had no interest or energy to fix it. So I did it. Not out of resentment, but because I CAN do it, and he can "rest".

Same goes with the finances. I can carry us as well. . . .

So how do I find balance? If I try to woo him as a male, tell him I need him, tell him his new family relies on him . . it stresses him out to be the provider. If I don't, if I tell him to "relax" as I've got everything covered, it's an insult to his masculinity.

Kind of a catch-22. I have absolutely no idea how to make him feel better . . .