Hi Denver, I'm so new, I almost don't feel comfortable giving anyone advice.
After reading your latest update, the first thing that I thought was that even though, it might be uncomfortable for you, you must assuage your w's concerns of insecurity in the m before you can voice your own recent om-related concerns.
I can relate to your w in so many ways (other than the A). As irrational is it might sound, her main focus is still on the hurt she felt in the M, and I think she feels/felt justified wrt the A for a time. However, she did make an attempt to convice you that she was no longer seeing anyone, so she may have realized that she hurt you too, might have gone too far, and doesn't want to lose you.
When she feels heard, she might be able to listen to your hurt, but not before. Fair? Maybe not. But that's my 2 cents.
I think that she is going about planning things as if nothing happened because she is hoping you are going to reassure her. She is giving you an opportunity.
Go on the trip, have a good time, and listen to her.
I hope I didn't repeat what someone else has already said!
