There is a third way, and that is to lay out and learn to enforce calm boundaries, and stop walking on eggshells around your wife, calling her on her CB ("crap behavior" when necessary, and stop allowing her to treat you like a child.
I don't feel sad and miserable. My W's mood has improved dramatically this year. She is taking better care of herself, and is looking fit and tone. We go together to the fitness center 3X per week. We bought another year's worth of dance lessons. We've been practicing together on a routine we'll be performing in August. I know the cheese incident reads as pretty silly (she can be somewhat OCD), but if I practice empathy, I can see that she is anxious about money. I think there's something to be said about giving one's spouse latitude with their emotions. I notice if I listen to my W and allow her to vent, it will pass quickly, and we move on. If I' m reactive, the day is ruined. She wasn't disrespectful towards me. I've been setting boundaries around more important issues, like money. I let her know when I'm out of cash, and even joke about it. She then picks up the slack until my next payday. She chooses not to work, so I gently have her share the consequences of that decision.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
