For most guys, his job/work and his ability to earn money and take care of his family financially is critical to his self esteem. That is why in the current resession with so many breadwinners loosing jobs and loosing homes, many men have come down with depression. Others who have friends in such situations are just as frightened and use the phrase, "...there but for the grace of God go I." I was talking to a retired friend of mine who has a nice nest egg saved and a good pension and he was talking about some of his neighbors who were loosing their homes after having lost jobs. He doesn't have anything to worry about, but he was still worried.
So while you may have a trust fund, and a profession to fall back on, it probably doesn't really make a hill of beans difference to your H. He still probably feels responsible for you,especially if he is an "old school" kind of open the car door type of guy.
Yes, being a dad at 48 has lots of scary aspects to it. When your child is 16 and full of hormones and youthful energy he will be 64.
As someone who is 62, I am glad my youngest is now 28 and I had the energy to deal with his teenage years. Your husband has to look forward to his daughter starting dating when he is getting ready to retire.
You can use that logic to sit down with your husband (especially with your medical doctor background) and say to him something to the effect of. "Look, you are a father of a baby girl. I want our child to have a father as a role model when she grows up. I want to have you there when she starts dating. I want you to be there for her when she graduates from high school and college. That means I want you to be an extremely health 60 & 70 year old man. That means that I want you to get your ass into a doctor and get a complete physical and start taking better care of your health for our daughter, because you and she deserve you to be as healthy as you can......and besides I have sexual designs on your body for the rest of our life and I intend for it to be a long and joyous life together."
If that doesn't work, tell him that despite everything he needs to get more life insurance and to do that he needs a physical and he might as well get the medical information sooner rather than later, because he now has the responsibility of both a wife and a daughter.
You talked about his chat room dating and computer orientation. If so, I would expect that he has experienced on-line porn at one time or another. Finally, maybe you can use "porn" as your friend if he has a mandonna/whore thing going on. There is every kind of bizzare porn out there from BBW, lactating women, pregnant women, etc. If he has you on a pedestal, maybe the two of you can watch something together that will bring you down from the pedestal to "bed level." Since I don't know him, I have no idea if it would work, but based on your knowledge of him, you might think about it. If you find something that gets his imagination fired up, then you can always dress it up with some role playing and props you see in the videos so he can make that transition to you being a real sexual partner for him.
Another random thought is that maybe he is afraid of getting you pregnant again. You said that your pregnancy was a surprise. Having a good talk with him about the kind of birth control you intend for the two of you to use might make him feel better about having sex again.
And in closing get the WMD book, she is a therapist/author who has great insights.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
