She let everyone know how it went except for me of course. She even sent my mom a text. (???)
And what does this tell you? Ya know I remember when I would keep looking at every action STBXW did or did not do….I would spend hours picking it apart. Guess what? It kept me stuck. Stop looking at her Tad….look at your life. Live your life for YOU.
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The job I was hoping to get fell through, but I may have another one in the works.
Good luck!
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W told S16 that I was being vengeful for asking for custody of him and asking for child support. She said if she got custody and I had to pay child support, she would give the money back to me. I don't believe her because when she first moved out, she asked me for $400 a month
It is so unfortunate that the children tend to get dragged into this. Tad, you cannot control what your W says to your son BUT you can control how you react and respond to it. As hard as it is, keep your kids out of it. Be dad. Be their rock! If this continues my advice would be to notify your L and you may need a GAL to assess what is going on. Journal the comments she is making …you may need to refer back to them.
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W told me that she can understand why S18 is so upset with her, but at the same time accused me of brainwashing him. (???)
And your response was? Bottom line your job is not to repair her R with your son nor is it to make it worse. Keep being dad! Allow your actions to speak buddy. As I suggested above…journal…journal.
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When she left, she accused me of not letting her become a vegetarian. S16 says that she has a freezer full of meat. It's not that I wouldn't "let" her, I just didn't want to become one too.
If it didn’t sting I wouldn’t worry about it. She is going to continue to say what she FEELS…it is par for the course. Let it roll off your back.
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She has been reaching out to our kids more and trying to talk to them. She hasn't contacted me in over a week.
Reaching out to the kids in a positive way is good for the kids. I made the mistake of thinking that her reaching out to the kids meant that she would reach out to me as well. She did not. Right now, the kids interest must be place first and foremost. Remember, she is in a crisis, nothing you can do EXCEPT…live your life as the man you aspire to be. i.e. your actions buddy…actions only.
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I'm still trying to find a smaller place to live. Can't afford my house these days.
For a long time I was worried that I could not afford this or that….Tad, you will find a way. Know this and believe it. Often we think gloom and doom, which is not always the case. Stay positive and think outside of the box. If you own your house contact the mtg company and see what you can do. Do NOT give up.
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I still have my days, but overall I am getting better. I feel like the more time goes on, the less hope there is
IF the hope you refer to is a reconciliation….well then maybe you are right…IF the hope is a belief in yourself and finding a much better place…well then buddy…hope is still alive!
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W's sister has removed me and two of my sons from her Facebook page. Don't know why.
Totally normal if ya ask me. They may need to distance themselves. Don’t take it personal buddy. They are suffering as well. You may come to realize later that in a way…it was a good thing that they did it.
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I still am waiting on a court date. The longer I have to wait, the better.
If your W is traditional MLC, then she will want to control this. It is part of the process for her. You see, she may feel you control everything and NOW she is in control. Let her drive the process but defend yourself.
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W says that she would have given me a second chance, but she didn't because I was so angry about things when I found out about the internet dating site. On the other hand, she tells everyone that she did give me a chance. (???)
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W says that I didn't give her the time she NEEDED back in December when she first moved out. (That is when I was doing all of the wrong things.) She says that that is another reason that she didn't give me a second chance. Then again, she says that she did give me a chance. (???)
1) Her perception is HER reality 2) she will continue to say anything to herself, her friends and anyone to justify her actions 3) again…stop looking at what she is doing and start focusing on what you want to do.
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W hardly has any contact at all with her "old" friends. She has alienated everyone
Chances are they represent a life that she is running from. You Tad, must ask yourself can you be the light for her. Can you really let her go and live your life, a life that involves your kids, a life that is LIVED.
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All 4 of my sons are with me again. I'm trying to get the older 2 out and get on with their lives, but no luck yet
Be happy for this dude….at the end of the day….you will always be DAD. Your kids have ONE father and that is you. Some folks do not get this opportunity. Cherish it.
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S16 told me that if W gets custody, he would run away. He wants nothing to do with her. S18 doesn't even talk to her
Listen and validate. Never bash mom to them…NEVER…let me repeat NEVER.
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I wish that she could see the damage she has done.
She may in time or she may not. Guess what, when you really start living for you it will not matter!
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hope is fading fast
Ya know I know this feeling….I know it well. I live here for a long time…..a long time.. I thought that my life was over…that my family was destroyed…that financially I was screwed…that my kids would never recover…that I would never be happy. Tad, when I finally said or better yet really realized that this was so about her and nothing I did or said or didn’t do wouldn’t matter…well that is when how I looked at HOPE changed. That Tad is when I changed.
Hope…hmmmm…..
What is your hope?
Can you hope that your W is fine – even if that means she is not with you?
Can you hope that your kids are okay?
Can you hope for the best for you in your life?
What Tad makes you happy?
Is it only your W? Did she really define everything about you? Com’on dude, get up, stand up, celebrate what you have….
That is YOU…
Be grateful for the time you had with your W.
Wish her well….
Then….
Live man…just live…
Take a long weekend away…find something that you love to do and do it. F money. F what she says doesn’t say….
She fell in love with you for a reason buddy….
She fell in love with a MAN called Tad…where is this dude…
Find HIM and
YOU WILL HAVE HOPE!
You sound defeated...your not...dude, your LIFE just started..that is
Unless you have accepted defeat.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
