W and I had tickets to see Peter Gabriel at Red Rocks last night. I let W be the one to ask if she was still going... I let her contact me to find out what the plans were ... I was prepared to go alone if she hadn't contacted me.
She brought it up on Sunday night. Acted like she just assumed that she was still going. I just went along with it.
Monday she called me in the afternoon to find out what time I was picking her up and if we were going to eat dinner first.
The concert was GREAT. See this show if you have the chance.
W and I had a really nice time.
On the way to the concert, which was about 45 minutes from our suburb, W began talking about the possibility of us taking SS and my D to Disney World in July. Some of you may recall that this was a trip that I had looked into and brought up to W back in March or April.
So W gets on her phone and starts looking into packages to Disney World. Rooms that had 3 beds... 1 for SS, 1 for D, and 1 presumably for me and W (unless W plans on me sleeping on the floor or with Goofy somewhere)...
I have to almost laugh out loud at this happening as it is just SO frustrating. I am happy in the sense that W seems to be leaning towards working on our M, but it also made me really sad. It made me sad in the sense that I was looking at this trip back in March and April... and since that time, she resumed her A with OM... and hurt me very deeply.
I know that she knows that we have some issues that will need to be addressed if we are to reconcile. But right now, she's acting like the things that have happened in the past few weeks happened in a different reality... or didn't happen at all.
I mean 2 1/2 weeks ago, I found OM taking a cr*p on her toilet... and somehow managed not to kill him... NOW... W is wanting to go to Disney World with me and the kids just like NOTHING happened!
Ugh... very frustrating. And difficult to know how to even process everything right now.
It stormed at the concert for about 20 minutes. W and got very close under her umbrella. That was nice.
On the way home, W began to talk to me about how I make her insecure with how I am with other women in my life.... all friends, co-workers, ex-girlfriends, etc.
She told me that it makes her feel that she isn't good enough for me.
She told me that 'when' she is in my life it can't be like that anymore.
I told her that I know that I had made her feel like this, and that I had created the problem. But at the same time, I didn't think that it would be right for her to be too controlling.
W said that her feeling on this subject might change in the future, "in 6 months, 5 years, or never." But that she can't feel like she did bc it made her extremely unhappy.
I dropped W off at her house. She told me that she had a really nice time. I said that I did as well. We hugged and said goodbye.
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I am still proceeding with a lot of caution. As I said above, things have almost flipped too fast for me to feel comfortable.
I mean, what has changed in the past three weeks? I caught OM at her house, told her that I was done, that I wouldn't be in her life if any OM was, and went dark on her for 3 days...
Was that enough to really create this kind of change in her? Or was she really being honest with me when she told me that she had already made a decision about her life BEFORE all of the above happened?
Rhetorical questions... just thinking out loud.
BITS Denver
My Sister-in-law went to that show too. I also had my high school graduation there.
No real advice other than take it slow. But the question is what does that really mean. how slow is slow enough. You won't know this answer until you go to fast.
I think her looking up trips is somewhat of an anomaly. Just like what she looks to you for, you have every right to expect the same from here - consistency. If only you are being consistency then you are just dbing and not working on the M.
But stop and try to enjoy some moments, H3ll, you were on you way to a great concert (at the greatest venue IMO) with your W and she exploring taking a trip. Be happy for the sadness aside for a few hours.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
