OK... 81 Days

[Denver_2010]

I finally said to myself,

"okay...objectively speaking, though H had his reasons, he was basically a selfish jerk for X amount of time...before then he wasn't, and now he isn't...and we have kids...SOOOOOO. He hurt me but doesn't seem likely to do it again, (not that way at least).....SO what now?"

Assuming, arguendo, that he was A BIG JERK...and that it was temporary--

do I HAVE to divorce him? Some think so...but

Why? To punish? See I don't think so.

[u]Of course if I thought he'd do it again or if he did....I'd be done. For me, a DB ordeal is a once in a lifetime thing...

I think that this is how I am looking at it as well. If I thought for one single second that my W would have another A in the future, I'd be gone right now. I probably would have been gone back in February. But I don't. I think that what has happened has been a perfect storm. I was not a good H, W met someone who was nice to her, and yes, probably began to manipulate her once he found out that she was unhappy with me... all the while W was already contemplating or already preparing to leave me. It isn't W's character to be unfaithful. Not at all. If I thought it was... I wouldn't be here.

Thus, for me to walk away, would be punishment to her for wounding my pride and my ego.

That is what my ego would like me to do... and 'he' is fairly strong.

I think it was F. Scott Fitzgerald who said "every man is allowed to be an ass once in his life..."

I'm going with that.

(I'm positive F. Scott Fitzgerald said "forgotten is forgiven." And though you don't realize it now,

for long periods of time as you re-build,

with her or with someone else,

the guy on the toilet will no longer have the power to hurt you at all...

this is true.)

Very nice. And true. And again, you are correct, OM will no longer matter to me in the least bit at some point in the future... whether I am with my W or with someone else.

Thanks 25.

Denver