Legit DBing? or is this just calm before storm?

[25yearsmlc]

MommaD

In the car today my d13 told me about her best friend (15 y/o) and the boyfriend who wasn't good to her and how they broke up. The best friend (bf) is very hurt.

D13 said, "I don't get it. BF liked her boyfriend & was nice to him, but he wasn't nice to her and he cheated on her and then he wasn't even very sorry. He did it again! Why does she feel so bad? I mean, How can you love someone who isn't even good to you?"


and THAT is wisdom from my d13. (FWIW, I don't believe you can honestly "Love" someone who isn't good to you. It's a co-dependent thing or something toxic.

It's not healthy and it's not love....sorry MommaD, but that's something I feel strongly about.

There's just no way you can tolerate this type of behavior, for so long, and tell me you "just love my h"...in the face of this crap).

IT's true MommaD. And let's hope your d knows this when she's a teenager, b/c you will have taught her.


I have loved a few good men. On occasion, I've been mistreated.

I have forgiven, or broken up if I thought it would happen again.

[b] BUT I KNOW if I thought it was a pattern or for me, OR if it happened again ---
[/b]I'd be gone.


Yes, while DBing is for me, a lifestyle.

If another crisis came up due to my H having some other crazy thing....
even after 30 years,

I'd be done and I'd never look back.


Your h has been off kilter for some time, in several ways.

There's no "MLC" to this.

It's a pattern. Forgive me Mommaduck, but what I see is your loss of...what???

You've been apart for some time and he's surely no better to you.
He could have visitation with D if he is so inclined. Moving in with him and hearing his...stuff...is not the way to foster a R between them.

If I ask you to tell me why you love him, you will defend that. So I won't.

I'm asking, what makes you think things will change/ improve?



So if HIS behavior is a pattern...


The question remains, is your behavior going to be a pattern? OR

Will you break the cycle?


Will you restructure your life and R's so that you are NOT on the defense?


And instead, become, truly,

the


author of your life?


Next post, let's hear about what you are doing for YOU....