yes. My h said "even if we div, I'd win you back later"
in hindsight I think he was so he!! bent on his adventure up north
that he figured he could take a chance on losing us and then "just win us back later"...
he's lucky it didn't go that far b/c it was hard enough to rebuild as it was
but yeah, they can convince themselves that they are not really risking it all
Unfortunately for the LBSer, we can't argue that "no I'll never take you back if you do this" b/c
that's an ultimatum you don't want to announce...UNLESS
you are alright following through with it. NO ultimatums unless you are prepared for them to call you on it.
I think ultimatums also do more pushing away than keeping, but I don't have "data" on that.
Let's say ultimatums work 50% of the time (& I think its much lower fyi)
...still, the thing is, do you want them to think they're going somewhere from which there's no return?
What happened to the "Keep the Road Home, Paved & Smooth"?
My suggestion other than GAL/180s, is to be MORE mysterious b/c she needs to know
losing you would NOT just be a "temporary setback"....
& that you aren't sitting around on the same "fav spot" on the couch...alone WAITING for her to decide IF she wants to "renew" the R with you...or when...
She needs to know you really are MOVING ON-- "doing interesting things, meeting new exciting people and going to fascinating places!" (put that on your voicemail....
I'm not saying to get punitive. No.
But you cannot be "obviously available" to her as Plan B...
(even if you are)
I think for me & my sitch
h feeling alone up there, missing us, and then seeing me move on (he thought I was dating OM) and I was applying for a job overseas for a year, which the kids were cool with, and we had our new routines without him, doing well...
HE realized HE was the one missing out the most, NOT us....
though he was missed here, it was clearly easier for us as a family of 3-4 to have fun and be alright, than for him to be all alone.
My concern in your sitch is whether there are legal/financial reasons for her to string you along.
If not, then she probably IS simply telling herself that she's hedging her bet and she means it, more or less. THis way, she's "Safer" than if she could really lose you, and look bad in the kid's eyes.
IF there are $$ reasons for her to string you along, then you would be right to wonder, and you have to stand up for yourself financially (do that regardless).
Hope this helps.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
