I once knew a man who was M to a good woman. She nearly worshiped the ground he walked on. But the man abused his family. As far as I know, he didn't actually hit them but he was mentally and verbally cruel. When I became acquainted with them at Church, I felt that something wasn't right. His family tried to cover up (especially his W), but when the least thing would set him off...his face would turn beet red. I saw that happen a lot! He had an ego problem too, and didn't like it if a female questioned him.
He admitted that his "Irish tempter" got the best of him... but nationality had nothing to do with it. The truth was...he was a bully. He was a bully b/c his W and children took it. He knew who he could treat badly...and who wouldn't stand for it. (BTW, he just about hated my guts b/c I had his number... and he knew it.) Anyway, after running both of their children away from home...his poor W finally reached her breaking point. He threatened all sorts of things but she somehow found the courage to leave.
She talked to me about how her life with him had been. The man was mean-spirited and kept her so sad and hurt all the time. She tried to make it work but he would do or say anything just to make sure there were no doubts who was in charge! That was important, also. He wanted to be boss.
He later M a red-headed German woman... and boy did the tables turn! Not b/c she's German anymore than him being Irish, but anything can be used for an excuse, right? She would not allow him to treat her the way he treated his first W. She said and did what she wanted-- when she wanted-- and he could like it or lump it. She did all the things his first W would have given her right arm at one time. I've often wondered how many times he has thought about his family he threw away and how he mistreated them. The last time I saw his first W, she looked beautiful and was happy.
You may need professional help, but I'd bet you only use your anger issue as an excuse to bully those who won't stand up to you. You may have been angry at your commanding officer....but I bet you kept it in check! I've been around a lot of people who claimed they couldn't control their anger....but that's not true. It is what you want!
Your are a bully, sir. If you learned from your father how to bully those who were weaker, then find out how to unlearn. It all boils down to how much you REALLY want to do it.
The lack of effort and the far between postings says a lot about your desire to end your anger issues. See a shrink, make a plan. Set some goals. Anger is a choice! You have chosen to abuse the very one who God gave you to cherish! The clock is ticking.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
