25, You got that right. I am so thankful for alanon and DBing friends who are giving me the strength to open my eyes and to fight for my strength and courage to move forward. Even if it is alone.
I have been so numb lately. Its terrible. I feel I have cryed so many tears over this, and they still keep coming. I just want them to stop.
I ran into H on sunday morning. If he hadnt gotten the point that I am not interested in his friendship and am not going to talk to him a lot, I think I drilled it home that morning.
He came by to give me my passport and birth certificate that he took with him in our firesafe when he left. When he dropped it off in our mudroom, I gave him a thumbs up sign so I did not have to speak with him. He then went into the garage to grab more construction stuff. I was bringing the dog inside, when we crossed paths on the back patio. He said "what is wrong" (since I was ignoring him), and I said "Uncle Gary died". As he said "oh no, I am so sorry" I walked into the house and shut the door on him mid-sentence and didnt look back.
When he left he text me: " so sorry for your loss, he was a great man! please let me know when the services are unless you dont want me there - I'll understand".I responded, "Thanks, The services are today and I will be attending both" (in other words, your not welcome to come). Then he text "where". I didnt respond. Then he text: "nevermind, I dont want to make the day any harder on your mom and yourself, but just know that I will pay my respects privately". I didnt respond. Havent heard from him these past two days since, pheeww!
His parents came to the wake. I walked them through the funeral line to ease their tensions on saying "hi" to my family members. They got to my mother and my MIL started crying, and said to her "thank you so much for still talking to us, you are such a good person, and I am very thankful that you dont hate us for what my boy is doing to your daughter" My mom started crying, I started crying. When they left, I just broke down. Too much Stress. Too much Loss. I hate how numb I feel lately. I am exhausted!!!!
Going to alanon tonight and I hope to bring up the topics of bitterness and loss. As thats what I am feeling lately. Bitter for losing so much in my life all so quickly. I cant stand it. TIPPER
