Let me get this straight. You are the major breadwinner, you take care of the house....he is kind enough to go to the store and buy food and text and flirt with other women. He wants a D and wants you to move out?
I know how you feel and I was there once too. You are a doormat and he doesn't respect you one bit.
Don't pander to him anymore. If he wants out send him out. You stay put. When the right moment arrives ( after you recover from your surgery) tell him to pack his bags and scram. That will blow his mind. I know it seems strange if you want to save your M but it needs to be done.
The guy is a jerk and he needs to come to terms with his behavior and appreciate and respect what you do.
Maybe when you are recovering he might notice. Anyway, good luck and keep your head up.
Me:49 W: 41 Kids=D14/D14/S10 Married: 15 Together: 16 Bomb: 08/26/09 Currently: separated but in the different houses.
That you for that advise. How ever I all ready asked him to leave instead of me. For him to move in with his mother and he said no. I told him that I think we need to be separated from each other for a while for him to appreciate me. This was before he told me we had no chance of working things out.
He is so all over the place any more I sometimes feel like I am losing my mind. He told me and the other neighbors that came over yesterday that he would get me breakfest because he knows I will not be able to eat in the afternoon. Well guess what no breakfest. Also I told him he needed to go shopping again this week. He knows that the Dr. does not want me to eat after lunch time. Well he goes to the store at 11:15 so my lunch is going to have to be pushed back.
I have also noticed that when he is drinking and I am around it is all about me most of the time watching me be very nice. I know that when you are drinking the truth comes out. So how much he says to me he is not in love with me I know he is.
Also I was talking to the neighbors and was telling them what I plan on doing after surgery. I want to learn golf, do Country Line dancing and he just says he does not understand why I am doing all this now. I said nothing to him. I just need to make sure that I stay busy and I know all this talk is killing him.
I just am trying to keep my head up and do not even take to heart what he has to say any more.
I am going to see a Divorce Attorney today to just find out what my rights are. H again told me he wants out nothing will fix this. He sees that I have changed but does not want to go back to the past. So I called an attorney to see what my rights will be. I don't want to be caught off guard when he serves me. I asked him to move out and he said why can't we just go on with our plan of me moving. That he loves me and is hurting over this. I just sent back if you love me this much and are hurting as bad as you say you would want to work this out. I am in crying over this having to go see a Divorce Attorney this is not what I want.
Well today I went got a hair cut, trimed the yard, cut the front grass could not do the back because of young birds that are in the grass in the back yard. I also made sure the house was nice and some what clean not all the way. Also made sure dinner was cooked.
We had a party tonight for a neighbor. H asked if dinner is done and I say yes. I ate out side he ate inside then took a nap. Gets up from nap ask me if I cut the grass I say yes only the front because of the birds in the back. H then ask well what was it set on looks like it is to short. I tell him the # and he walks away.
Well I had to run our kids around show up to the party late H acts like I am not at the party. I have noticed that H gets a call around 8 every night. Well at 8 he is gone to our house and I see him in the house on the phone. Not that I wanted to know who he was talking to or what about. I come home to get a drink and see him on the phone he is in the house. Looking out the window. I go in the fridge in the garage and get my drink and start to leave. Well he hangs up comes out and acts like he is making a drink. I did not look back did not say a word just went back to the party. How ever this is after he was coming home and I asked if he could bring me a drink back. Lots of people at the party know what is going on and was asking me question I said as much as I could a little amount to get out of the conv.
H went home with out saying a word to any one and went to bed.
I have not txt him unless about the kids today. Also have not tried to talk to him afraid he is going to say I am pushing him away agian. I am going to keep up this for a while and see what happens. Most people that know what is going on tells me I am very strong. I just do not feel that way. I just want to cry but can not. I guess if our friends see I am strong so does he.
Sweetie-wow...our situations are very similar except that you are further into your marriage. You need to draw some lines in the sand. First of all, if he wants to separate HE needs to move, not you. Absolutely not you. And what are you doing trimming the lawn, cooking dinner, and taking care of everything? You need some help and assistance. I am so worried about you. You are an amazing and hard working woman who has supported your family wholeheartedly and with love. Do you need to make some changes now with your priorities-yes. You need to be the best person you can be. Don't keep telling him that you want the R to work. Don't tell him anymore that you love him or PURSUE him in anyway. Let him do what he is going to do, hard as it is going to be, and start doing some GAL. What do you do for fun?
For me, with two little ones, I thought it would be impossible to GAL. Guess what I did...I joined a soccer team...starting meeting friends for a glass of wine. Don't join his friends, start reaching out and developing your own personal support network. I know it is so hard when you feel like you have to do everything (and trust me, I know that feeling) but you have to pull back. He KNOWS he has it good and that is why he doesn't want to go. I agree with everyone else. If anyone is going to go, he needs to. ONce you start setting boundaries, he will get mad but as my counselor says "temper tantrums are the spoiled brat's way of showing respect...wow, you won't let me run all over you???"
Thinking about you and hope that you are doing well. SLH
Well it was hard for me to GAL as I had surgery done now 3 weeks ago. But I can now start doing things. I go to the library once a week just to get out and read books that I can not take home. I have started to ride my bike every day now. I also sit out side and read books that I use as my cover for going to the library. I also talk to the neighbors at night. I try to get what I have to get done in the house right away. Then I am out side the rest of the night.
I have asked him to leave again and he will not. So I just act as if right now. I do not talk to him unless he speaks to me first and then I leave. I do not contact him and this is very hard as 2 nights ago my S16 broke is knee cap. Well guess what H did not come with us to the ER rigth away until. I called him freaking out that my S kept passing out from the pain. Right then and there I knew I was not going to be contacting him any more.
As one of my 180's I have stop smoking only been a day. So I hope I can keep at it.
I hope this post fast. I need help I don't know how to finish answering my H. He text me today to tell me here is what he is offering me.
$6,000.00 in your bank acct for apartment and furniture (this by the way is not his money it is my money from UE)
1/2 401K approximately 21,000.00
Minimal or no child support
See/have kids whenever I want them
No DEBT He is going to assume house payment and 2nd mortgage when he refi's after I give him the house.
This will save us $5,000.00 each on attorney fees so I need to agree
I can have some pots/pans and silverware out of the house.
Other than that it is my clothing and my Car.
He wants to know what I think. I waited a while to respond and said you know what I want. He txt right back WHAT???? I waited about 2 hours txt back that I want us to work on this first.
I have gotten no response. I know he is right now fixing the bathroom that he took apart about 5 months ago so he can get the house appraised my daughter just called me.
So when I go home he is going to confront me and I am going to tell him I do not want to talk about this but what should I do???
I have all ready contacted an Attorney and he told me to do nothing right now. Let H file first.
dc, Do NOTHING without consulting your attorney. DO NOT AGREE TO ANYTHING. I'm not an attorney, but on first blush, it appears that your husband is trying to bully you into a lowball deal.
No child support???? Seriously? What jurisdiction are you in?
Not sure how soon my post will appear, so I hope you get this in time.
