Legit DBing? or is this just calm before storm?

[MommaDucki]

how do I really feel? lol...no one has seemed to want to hear that answer in awhile.

I feel that I was fine for awhile there...fine not knowing what he was really up to.

Fine thinking that as long as we lived far from one another, his day to day actions couldn't hurt me and I'd wait...just wait however long it took till he got his life together and then we could work on us.

If he's really that interested in this OW, I'm done. She has herpes. She's a drug user (if i heard right). She's jobless, carless, and can't show emotion.

I will not be a fall back girl for him any longer. Not if he's going to risk himself and possibly go on to expose who knows how many others later down the road.

What I tried so hard not to listen to last night was him telling her in detail exactly how he felt about her and why it was different "this time with her". I feel angry because years ago, I heard almost word for word what he said to her said TO ME!.

I feel hurt because I have been actually working so hard at finding who I was and meshing it with a new me and H won't even give me a chance.

I feel used because he seems to have wanted access to D3 (and none of the actual responsibility of her), and access to my car.

I feel confused because of above and mixture of H's actions towards me...like I'm some pity party....that he's talked about taking me out to a few places over next couple of weeks. Sometimes I hear the old him in there...the genuine one...mostly, I hear a pity party.

I'm not a pity party. I'm not a weak person who needs rescuing from him.

I'm just a woman who loves her H and wants my family together.

Haven't told H over the past year and a half what I've thought of his actions. He's asked, but I've not answered. Wasn't my place at the time to say anything.

His actions have been repetitive though. Same as they were before S...same pattern, same trend, and I sense that this OW will be the same.

I can't know, and I don't want to know....

I want out of this neverending cycle.

I want to keep my life moving the positive direcgtion I'd set out for by moving back down here..

But there's still that evil monster in the back of my head wishing he'd come around and still want me.

thanks for your words LP.

The car sitch is a big deal because i feel he's lying to me. He went out for supposedly a couple hours last week and was gone for 16 hours...claimed to have been with a certain friend at certain places, yet gas usage and mileage on the car don't match up to his story.

Tired of him taking a higher road where he's superior to , knows better, claims to not be lying, yet still acts all shady about stuff like this.

It hurts me he's chosing another woman yet again over me. I will not enable his messed up choice by letting him use MY car to go visit her while I'm stuck in his apt with our D3 not able to sleep, waking up asking where daddy is, and not even having an answer to tell her.