The books and this forum have helped me so much to understand that M is constant work and that life should not get in the way of the people we love. The issues we have are not insurmountable IMHO and I would like to put these new skills into practice, but I don't think that is going to happen with W.. I just need to keep them in mind whatever R comes up in the future (with or without W).
I'm just beating myself up that I didn't look after ME in the last couple of years, always putting my W and kids first, making sure they had everything, managing the accounts/money, nice things, holidays, but I stopped doing anything I enjoyed doing, and when I read dr where its says about GAL and do things which you enjoy doing, it was right, I had forgotten what I like!!!!
The choices I make are for me and my kids now, not like at the start where 50%+ was for W.
Do I think LRT/Dark is working? I have no idea, BUT it gives me the chance to move forward and continue to try and detach more and be a better me. Friends and Mutual friends have said I seem very happy, and I feel I am on the road to getting back to the old "real" me, this is also been fed back to W, but this is for me. Losing weight, yes was a result of the S, but now I feel great about it and WANT to lose some more (I am only 12st 6lb now!, and wasn't that bad to start with, I just became a bye product of an unhappy M) I have also started to notice women "checking me out" in the last couple of weeks, I even had to old rye smile when I noticed one last week, does help to make me feel better.
Kids are OK, but I am concerned about them, but I can only control what they eat and their welfare when they are with me. I can not control what happens when they are with their mum, but if things continue to go how they have been I will have to say something, they are priority. S12 said yesterday to me he was not really happy about going to his mums as he felt left out, so I just gave them some reassurances.
I tried earlier last week to help W as I am sure she is in a difficult place, just tried to say in a constructive, non pressuring way to think about who she really was, what she wanted etc, but that was just thrown in my face so lesson learnt there. W is the ONLY one who can help herself, she will not listen to family or friends, and most of them, together with me have now given up. Maybe she is OK and fine, but that's not what we all see, but hey, I can do nothing about that now, she is on her own journey. It has been quite hard hearing some home truths from our mutual friends, esp them saying I should move on due to how they saw W treating me, they know how I feel though and I have been honest (as per above) but they even want little to do with her due to her attitude and selfishness, but that's up to them. W has changed though, like most of us LBSers say, we don't recognise them anymore, who has abducted our W's but left their bodies behind.
Two types of GAL activities going on, with kids and without kids, and they are not coming along to badly TBH, sometimes need to push my individual ones, like going out for a cycle, but when I do I usually feel better.
Its just hard ATM, I can not help the way I feel about her, but my head says I was so unhappy, treated poorly (in the last year or 2) move on. Well, I am moving on, just that, at this moment it doesn't include OW, got enough problems without adding to it, plus I am strong enough to handle this on my own. Once the dust settles we shall see........
It is what it is............
Anyway, just sounding out to you BITS here, thanks for looking in.
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
