Just wanted to jump in here. Several of us found our new loves on Dating Sites. The statistics are that 1 out of 5 long term Rs meet this way. Welcome to the new Millenium!
I was VERY careful about who I actually met. I made my own list of dealbreakers and walked away when I knew I had to.
I have been with Josh for over 7 years. We are happy. I met him on Lava Life. Had good luck on Yahoo dating as well. A bit on Match.
As for sex without love or some kind of commitment - not for me! I think it would have added to my stress not taken it away. Call ME a prude but I held off a bit until we were more comfortable and then when we made love - it was wonderful!
Listened to the advice on here and signed up for just one month of eHarmony. About seven days in and the pickings are getting smaller.
I think I'll just do eHarmony for this month and then try Chemistry next month and then .... Not sure. Other than Match, eHarmony and Chemistry what other good sites are out there.
On Match, an English teacher my age is emailing me. Her bio is perfect for me, but she looks like a former co-worker. Maybe my standards are too high, but I'm willing to wait.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
As a single woman your age, I can tell you that I wouldn't date ANYone who was not divorced for at least a year. And I don't think most healthy women will, either. It is just too soon. And believe me, you won't even realize it is too soon until you give yourself the time and space to really heal, then look back and see how much better, stronger and complete you are on your own.
Aren't you still saying that you are waiting for your ex to realize this was all a mistake on your other thread? What can you offer another woman at this point? Your finances are stressing you out - can you afford to date right now with everything else going on?
You are a newly-divorced father. Get to know that guy.
Unless, of course, you are looking for a fling. I am not against them. But go into it knowing that, and telling your potential dates that, so no one gets hurt.
I am trying to remember...are you the gent who tried meditation and had a hard time sitting still? Might be time to practice that for a while. Settle, get to know the new you. Because you went through a lot of changes along this path, too.
I've read the whole thing about wait a year. I guess I don't like artificial deadlines. Why close any doors. If someone great pops up tomorrow, fine. If not, that's fine too.
But it doesn't seem to make sense to just say, well I'll wait to December or something like that.
I'm not desperate by any means. It's a nice diversion to check every day.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
OK, just realize that most women who respond to someone who hasn't been divorced very long is not going to be completely emotionally whole and healthy yet. It is discouraging enough out there....
It might just be something you have to live rather than following someone else's advice.
The thing(s) I noticed in my nearly 3 years post divorece is this: I needed validation, someone to show interest and flirt and when they did I dived right on it. Way to soon, I was still very hurt and then hurt when he couldn't be what I wanted.
Then when I had the mutual thing going, a year and a half post divorce, I got really upset when other girls flirted with him via FB. I wasn't secure enough to be with him yet.
So while they may not be set timelines, it is so very wise to give yourself time to heal. If you jump in quickly in will only postpone your healing. I have seen it myself with my friend who has been divorced about 4.5 years. He hasn't dealt with the pain yet but keeps going from relationship to relationship.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I think it just depends on how DONE you are, and how solid you are.
I dated just a few months after my ex left - but ours had been a long long story of infidelity, reconciliation, and 6 months of fighting him leaving. By that time I was really truly done, and the guy I dated ended up being a wonderful experience. HOWEVER - I was also strong enough to deal with the reality of the new guy's issues (he had many) and not to be too broken up when he eventually dumped me for his old college girlfriend (he did it nicely).
I didn't really date for a while after that, but am dating again now. I find that I'm in a really good place now, don't get too attached too early, not devastated if it doesn't work out (hey, there'll be another bus along in a minute!). The key was, I gave up trying to control or be too attached to the outcome. Some of my relationships have taken forms I wouldn't have expected, but I've learned that by letting go of my expectations, sometimes I can appreciate things for just what they are. (The old boyfriend, for instance, has remained a close and cherished friend.)
I've even learned to curb my unfortunate tendency to pursue. When one recent date backed off (for reasons of his own issues which frankly are probably quite valid), I didn't try too much to talk him out of it, although I really really wanted his yummy self. I've learned I NEED a guy who is enthusiastic about being with me, and one who is hesitant or conflicted, however attractive to me, is someone I need to let go of.
I'm not on any online dating sites and just waiting to see what the warm summer days and nights bring for me.
I totally agree with Donna. NO WAY would I date someone not divorced at least a year. CTH, you have so much healing to do and will be in a much better space to attract emotionally healthy women after some time has passed. Take this time to focus on YOU and your kids. There will be plenty of time for dating a bit later. That's just my two cents. I still subscribe by the phrase, "You don't attract what you want, you attract what you are."
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
