Yeah, I still post my own stuff in H3ll thread. I was hoping this thread could be a "place" where we "meet" to trade insights, ask questions, get support....just like a real life support group except it's here.
Has anyone ever felt like their WAS was so selfish that they even put the OP in peril? Not that I will ever let OW off the hook, but to put it bluntly, I'm deeply ashamed at my H's lack of judgment and insight into what he was doing to everyone other than himself. Our children, me, the OW. He KNEW she was troubled.
We have talks where I ask questions and he answers as honestly as possible. Afterwards he gets really quiet and distant. I can see the pain in his eyes. They get placid looking and darker. He is only able to state in factual way that he is hurt and ashamed of himself.
Me? I cry almost every week. It's an improvement over every day. I"M the one in treatment now. I have classic PTSD. I fit all the symptoms. I function in my day-to-day roles, but the A is always there. I don't want it to be there, but there it is, waiting for me every friggin morning when I wake up. I'm trying to reassure myself that it hasn't even been a full year yet that I learned the whole truth. I'm trying to be gentle, be good to myself. I don't have to worry about "keeping busy" because my work does that. I sleep very well because I'm so exhausted. I hate the OW. I'm ashamed of my H and that kills me. I have to rewrite everything about us and what I thought to be true about him. Sigh...anyone feel like this?
M 55 H 58 M 24 T 29 S 22,21, 19 Bomb 4/10 It (A) really isn't about you 11/2013 We all have work to do
The truth will set you free, but it will almost kill you first.
