OK... 81 Days

[Denver_2010]

UPDATE...

I have not initiated any contact with W.

W and I had no contact from the time that we had our long convo (my last update) until Wednesday late morning.

I was at a coffee shop close to our house. W and SS showed up unexpectedly. I was sitting outside with my dogs. W and SS sat down with me. W and I talked about SS and his school situation and made other small talk.

I went inside to get another coffee and W stayed outside. While I was waiting for my coffee, there were 2 fairly attractive women waiting for their's as well. One of them was talking about putting vodka in a water bottle. I began joking with her and asked her if they were having a big party. They laughed and began telling me about a cruise that they are getting ready for, thus the vodka in the water bottle conversation. They got their coffee and left.

I got my coffee, walked outside and sat down with W. W said to me, "I think that girl wants your telephone number." Then SS said in a teasing way, "yeah, they were saying how cute you were."

I laughed it off, but I could tell that W was irritated.

A few minutes later, W asked me, "What, were you flirting with those girls inside?"

I said, "NO. I talked to them, but I wasn't flirting. Why do you say that?"

W: "I don't know. They sure acted like you had been flirting with them."

Me: "I was just being friendly W. I wasn't flirting."

SS then said to W, "Mom, why do you have to get mad about everything. He didn't even do anything wrong."

W did not respond, nor did I.

SS walked away and W then started in on me about how I always "presented yourself as single" when we were together. And then says that I need to "own your b.s. with SS so that he understands that I'm not getting mad for no reason."

I told W, "Listen, I know that there was a time that I did do that. But that was a long time ago W. I don't think that I have done that in a very long time. But I understand that it still bothers you."

SS came back over and I said to him, "SS, your mom wasn't getting mad at me without reason. I wasn't always respectful to her and probably wasn't setting a very good example for you when I did that. So I just want you to know that your mom had a reason to be mad at me, ok?" He said 'okay' and then went back to whatever he was doing.

W and I talked more about some other stuff. She seemed fine after I said what I did to SS. W then said that she was leaving to go run some errands.

Before she left, I said to her, "W don't think what I did with those women was wrong at all. I was just being friendly. Really. But I want to say to you that I have worked really hard to learn how I hurt you in the past and how not to do those things in the future. But it is a work in progress. I want you to be able to tell me when something I do bothers you. That's the only way that I can continue to learn."

W said, 'okay' and was friendly as she and SS got into her car. I told SS that goodbye and that I loved him. I told W bye and that I would talk to her later. She said ok and goodbye.

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Didn't talk to W again until Friday.

On Friday, W texted me at lunch time.

W: "Just want you to know I may have found a place. It's a one year lease however. Haven't found anything for shorter. It's in Denver" (W and I live in suburb that is about 30 minute drive to Denver)

Me: "Ok W. I support you if you think that is the right thing to do."

W: "I think we aren't ready to be back together and I'm not sure what to do. I'm not dating anyone but I'm also not sure we are ready to work things out. I'd prefer not to move but I need to. I'd also prefer a shorter lease but can't find anything." (interesting that W reiterated that she's not dating anyone)

I did not respond. 15 minutes later W sends another text.

W: "There are a lot of things going on between SS and school, you and me, and needing to move. I just don't know."

Me: "I know. It is ok. I will support you no matter what. Let me know if you need help. If you decide that you want to stay in the house you are in now, I will help you while we figure things out."

W: "Maybe we can continue being separated and try to spend time together working through some stuff. I need to work on my anger towards you." (I am encouraged that W recognizes what she needs to work on)

Me: "I know. I really really do. It's ok."

W: "This house keeps SS at the same school. That probably is not a good option for him. I don't know what to do." (3rd time she said that she doesn't know what to do... just sayin)

Me: "No chance at getting him into your school or one of the others with the special program for him without moving?"

W: "No. Also haven't found a place near my school. Been looking but there are only apartments and I can't do that. I know the principal at one of the 2 schools with the special program, and he is a hard a$$. Probably have the same problems with SS. The other school is where S works as a dean. I hate to put S through that."

Me: "I still think having S there wold be a good thing. Not bad. But you definitely know better than me. I don't have any ideas. But Denver schools s*ck"

W: "Maybe you could help me get him into the school we know would be best for him instead of us risking another year of hell. We know that Denver Academy is best. It's just money."

Me: "W I will. But we really need to figure out how we're going to do that. I am fully committed to being a partner with you with SS. I am."

Me: "It's tough for me to be half involved, then out of the picture, then back in. I don't know."

W: "I understand that, but if we are taking space then I need a place. I'm going to do what I can to put SS in Denver Academy and I'm looking for a place by there for commuting reasons. We can still work on us and deal with living arrangements when the time is right, but me moving home in a week sounds like we are jumping the gun."

W: "I'd like to try to give it the summer before I consider moving back and I can't see how staying in our current house helps anything."

Me: "No, I agree. Let's talk later ok? I have to head to Boulder for court."

W: "K"

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I had court in Boulder. I decided to stay up there afterwards to go for a hike with some friends and then go out with them.

I texted W before I had too many drinks asking her to send me info on Denver Academy.

W called me.

W was irritated that I was out. Said something about how it must be nice to be able to afford to live it up.

I was nice as she vented her frustration about money.

We talked for about 45 minutes, but I can't remember much about it (guess that I had already had too many drinks LOL).

The gist of it was about SS and this private school and me telling W that there was no way that we could afford it AND be paying for 2 places.

I told W that if I were her, that I would stay where she is at for at least July, that trying to find a place by June 22nd is too much pressure. That if she signs a 1 year lease, then we are stuck in it even if we do work things out and she decides to move back into our house.

W is clearly frustrated with the problems that SS is having with school. She is right that the private school is the best option for him and his issues. I wasn't trying to pressure her into moving back into our home. In fact, I didn't even bring it up. Nor do I think that it is best right now. At the same time, what I said about not being able to afford a private school for SS while we have 2 places is true. It can't happen. So her choices are stay where she is, which she can't afford anyway, and have SS go to the school he has been in and has really struggled at. OR, move to another location where he could go to a different school... which probably wouldn't be any different. Her idea of moving by the private school makes no sense to me... it doesn't get him in there.
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Saturday morning.

The following morning W texted me:

W: "Can I deposit that check you gave me?" (I had given W a check for $250 to help her about 3 weeks ago. W hadn't cashed it.)

I didn't respond (bc I was out cold and hung over from too much sangria)

W: "You must be hung over and asleep. I need coffee and have no money. I'm going to deposit the check. If u need me to give you money tomorrow I will."

Me: "Ok."

W texted me again a bit later.

W: "I need to pay off my credit card debt. Then I would be able to have money for things like survival and private schools."

That text sounded irritated and sarcastic so I did NOT respond.

W texted me again about 30 minutes later.

W: "Did you stay in Boulder or come home?"

Me: "No. I'm at home."

Me: "Going to go get some coffee. I will buy you one if you want to come by. "

W: "Got one. Thanks though. Need to do some packing so I ran and came back. Gotta long day."

Me: "Ok."

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W called me a few hours later to ask me if I could print some lyrics for her show that night (she doesn't have a printer). I told her that I would.

W texted me a couple of hours later.

W: "Can you help me out by bringing the lyrics here and drop SS at his friend's house? Running later of course."

Me: "sure. Be there in a few minutes."

I went to W's house. She was in her bedroom blow drying her hair. I put her lyrics on the table and told SS to get his stuff. W did not know that i had arrived. I told SS to tell his mom goodbye. He ran upstairs to tell her. W came downstairs and thanked me. She walked me to the door and I left.

Didn't hear from W until this evening (sunday).

W texted me to tell me that she and SS were meeting her cousins at City Park by my office. She wanted to know if she could park at my office. I responded that she could.

A bit later, W called to tell me that she had parked at my office... and then she brought up the concert that we have tomorrow night. Neither of us had talked about whether or not she was still going.

I guess that she just assumed that she was going... she asked me what time the concert was.. I told her that I didn't know and that I would touch base with her tomorrow.

So that's it for now.

Good times!

BITS
Denver