Legit DBing? or is this just calm before storm?

[MommaDucki]

As far as 180s I felt I'd done with H, I wasn't asking for anything. Was tired of same result. I'd ask, never recieve, would be bitter over it, and yell at H about it. So, to save myself the grief, I just stopped asking. Can't control him, so in the end, it's his knowing choice to not do much, if anything for D3.

What I realized wasn't working with H were that

i complained a lot(work, family, his family, bills, how he spent money),

was always asking for things(unnecessary items for around the house, things I claimed to HAVE to have that I'd later return just to have spending money or whatnot) ,

was always expecting him to read my mind(good example? when I was pregnant and on bedrest, he'd come to check on me and I'd be mad he did't *know* I needed a drink, so I had to wait the extra minute for him to go get me one),

wanted him to take care of things for me so I wouldn't have to face certain things myself(had past debt from before we were officially together, and was always wanting him to pay it off for me instead of dealing with it myself),

wanted his help with D3, but yelled and threw things at him when he did help, there are others, but I think you're starting to get my point.

I really started taking an inner look at my own contributions to our problems. H's not perfect, but neither am I. Took two of us cause the probs, and I wanted to make right by mine, to know I'd done all I could.

So, I stopped even talking to H about my finances, because it wasn't relevant to him that I had this account or that in collections from 4 years before we got together that I never chose to take care of. I needed to do this for myself to show D3 that I am strong and competent.

I stopped asking H's advice because it's what I used to do. Made him feel good, or maybe that I depended on him to decide things for myself.

I complained to no one. I did a complete 180 here, and stopped complaining, and almost stopped talking entirely. Had to find a balance here as to talking or saying just enough. And both H and my family don't really know how to deal with this to this day. I simply don't complain to them about every little thing anymore...it's for my journal, and here...was in C as well, but temporarily not in IC.

I started being more assertive in asking for what I want or need, both with family and with H (to an extent). I'd ask him to do more for D3, but I never took it to the level I needed to.

I never filed for child support while S. Still unsure whether this was smart or stupid on my part, and I'll never know, because it's past. Can only move forward and file when I can. In not filing, I know I enabled H to continue on his crazy stunts in life, and am still not sure whether it's good or bad for D3.

Sate H lives in, if you miss 2 payments, license suspended (not an issue right now as H has no car of his own). Miss 5 payments, it's jail. Want to have faith that if I filed, H would get off his butt and get a job to not miss payments, but I'm not sure. His track record doesn't bode well for him, so I feel if I file, I'm sentencing him to jail. Would serve him right. But D3? What is she going to think when she's older? I want her to grow up making her own impression of him. When they are together, he's loving, and plays with her. Has been an adjustment for them both since we moved back here, but they're getting there. When she's older, what will she really think though?

"My dad did little to nothing to help provide for me when I was young and lived his life his own way while my mom did nothing to push him to take care of me financially. She took care of me."

"My dad did little to nothing to take care of me when I was wyoung. My mom pushed to get his help and he didn't follow through and went to jail. My mom continued to take care of me."

"My dad did little to nothing to take care of me when I was young. My mom pushed to get his support, and he went to jail. My mom sent my dad to jail."

All those thoughts in my head, but what will she really think when she's older? And, if I pushed for support and he's in jail, well...in jail, he can't work to get me child support, and now he's got it on his record, so finding a decent job will be more difficult still inhibiting me from getting support, so what gives? which way is right? LOL! confuses me.

Time to end again and get D3 into bed.